DarknLight

kindness...

2010-05-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

somehow, this is one thing i just can't understand.. Maybe I'm more direct but still it's weird when somebody says: 'let's keep it from him as a act of kindness' or 'be friendly to that person as a act of kindness'.

i seems to keep seeing 'kindness' this way, a cruelty.. when that person that was being shown kindness, finds out the true reason why he or she is treated that way.. wouldn't that person be crestfallen? wouldn't that person be feeling worst then what he might feel should he be shown the truth at the first place?

Some people will say, well.. it's a white lie! It's to make the person feel better.. AND THAT'S THE EXACT REASON THAT PERSON WILL FALL OFF WORST! Pushing that person up with a white lie is only going to push that person off the cliff of feelings when the lie is exposed. More often then not, it's going to happen..

2010-05-01T14:59:00.000-07:00

Ever had that kinda feeling where you are totally paranoid and uneasy with yourself? when everybody seems like your enemy and they are gotta back-stab you? I've just freaking when through it for one month plus..

I must say though.. I didn't know why i freaking let it happen, i could only guess that i went back to being in defensive-mode. After being a bastard for so darn long and being fed up nearly everyday, I've finally gotten a clearer mind..

You know how freaking lousy to find out what other think about you from a third party even if the comment is good? maybe i'm the only person to had felt this way but ya.. Getting infos from a third party without the confirmation of the person that was being said was really crappy. It's being nice to know but why wouldn't the person just tell me.. Do that person have a bad view on me? If there is i would rather hear it from that person then to know it in any other ways..

humans are about communication and trust! If i cannot even trust a person to tell me how he/she feels about things which i'm concerned of which that person happens to be involved in, then what a lousy world this will be! I rather have the knowledge of that person's feeling, views and perhaps reasoning in the certain topic which we are involved in then to just keep quiet and let the world move on towards a bigger, worst understanding.

maybe it's the Singaporean's mindset or the person's personal character which prevents them from saying anything about their's feeling about a certain person or telling the person right in face about how are they feeling or so. However, as humans develops, so must our communication skills, which is why i felt that it's a rather sad thing to see how communication break down can happen so easily even at this age!

Maybe it's due to the fear hurting the other person's feeling or fearing how the other person will react or even what the outcome might be but alas! Isn't fear the reason people stop in their tracks and stop developing? Isn't fear the reason why many people throw their dreams away? Isn't fear what stop people from taking that last push into their life, to have a future you would rather live in? Even as i say all these, I also have the same set of fear which most people in a country like Singapore will most likely have.. The fear of future's life.

Quoting from what my pastor had said: "you don't have to understand to be understanding and you don't have to agree to accept". Maybe this is the key for communication to start getting better? I admit, I'm not pleasant to look at or be with when i'm in my bad moods but sometimes, all you need was to have one person, caring enough to go up and ask :"hey! you alright?" but similarly, fear stops many of the people who actually thought of asking, scrap those who didn't even think about it then you will have the percentage of people asking that question at nearly 10%?

Going back to that quote from my pastor, I guess it's time for people like me to start showing we have this kind of thinking instead of the piss-me-off-and-i-will-punch-in-your-face thinking. Maybe all this time since secondary school where I've thought I've changed my violent ways, there was still a face which tells of my violent past which is shown to people causing them to start fearing.. Well.. Let the past be of a book of warning to me and let this be yet another new start! Yet again, it's never gotta be easy and nobody ever say it will be but i look froward to the day, even the most quiet person in the world will have the ease of coming up to me and telling me their problems or feelings (negative or positive) to me freely instead of keeping it inside or telling another person hoping that person will tell me..

2010-02-13T03:41:00.001-08:00

really hate myself, the things i've done, the things i'm doing or are thinking of. life is just getting worst

Snow Patrol- How to be dead

2010-01-31T13:25:00.000-08:00

Please don't go crazy,
if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over linesYou've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

2010-01-14T11:01:00.000-08:00

how many mistake must i make before i can finally stop it?

Mistake is something which is seriously pure crap.. My chracter changes for the "better" all the time before finding out it's slowly going towards the worse side.. I wonder.. How many word i said in a joke had been taken seriously in front of other.. How Many Time Have It Affected Others?

I keep thinking that now i'm in poly, the words i've used might have a lesser impact when i uses words in a joke comment. ITE life means seriousness everyday.. DO I need to return back to those days?

Where it's so darn uptight everyday.. Being serious when I'm happy, sad or angry? Chosing words like it means my life is betting on it.. I'm so darn immature.. somebody said that I'm still stupid.. HAHA! how true that should had been and how a warning it had been.

How much will i continue to change or will i stop here?

2009-12-26T08:35:00.000-08:00

drank abit just now.. kinda drunk.. they say the amount of alcohol you drink doesn't make you drunk. but the things that happens to you.. How true it is man.. I'm stright away drunk after ben left and i'm thinking.. god.. why.. maybe life is unfair and such.. but still i thanks you over and over again..

i shall push everything to lord's hand and pray that he relieve me.. God.. The drunk dead Joshua here today is of no more! by tmr.. A new Joshua shall rise while the old dies

2009-12-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

My bday!! wow.. yet again.. my bday pass and i'm older.. .haha i wonder on though...

As you grow older, you are supposed to be wiser and smarter.. Yet.. I'm holding on to things which most likely will nv be mine or even close to mine.. Why?? Why am i such a blockhead? Haiz.. I really don't know..

Time to forget it all? seems impossible..

2009-11-22T07:13:00.000-08:00

Wondering why is my life is ironic?? Just today, pastor preached to us about faith.. Something which i lack since the day my sis fell ill after our baptism. Felt so good after it that I was thinking of God along the way to studying with Vic..

Over there I lifted some heavy weight-thoughts in my heart off slightly and I was feeling rather happy.. Yet.. As i walk home.. I would receive the msg which says my sis is on the way to hospital yet again.. God... I've been struggling for years and most likely would struggle on.. While I believe with all my heart that you have the greatest reason in the world to do all these.. I sit here.. Praying.. Hoping.. Thinking.. Lord.. I'm weak. I'm immature and I'm really wondering.. Why tests keep coming by my way?

Sitting here.. Staring at nothing-ness, feeling sorry for sis and mom.. What have we done in our life to be brought to 10 years of suffering??? Every time my sis's Bday comes and we celebrate it.. It feels like me celebrating yet another full year of her illness.. I don't want this to continue!!! I always thought I was strong enough to face it over and over again but everytime she goes down.. I will be suffering.. losing faith and hope..

Negative thinking.. I said in my persentation that it prepares me for all incoming incident that might happen.. Today. I stand here. Soak in my own unbelieve and failing trust.. I've sank even deeper.. I'm now wishing for a exit.. Anywhere.. God.. I believe you hear me but this human being here have finally fallen.. Life to me is near blank and i'm ..........

2009-11-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

Went out today with Naz, Guo wei and Zhi kai.. wanted to go to the anime convention but it's freaking packed lah!! Need to buy tickets some more!!! zzz.. Gt so sian that we just went off to watch a movie.. Saw afew of my ex-SYOG's co-worker though haha!! Didn't say hi since they are so busy into their work ><..

We then went off to catch 2012 at marina square where zhi kai's slipper finally gave way!! wahhaha!!! he had to walk with one bare foot for sometime even after the movie until we go back to suntec's carrefour to buy a new slipper for him..

2012.. Been thinking of that show alot.. One reason is due to curiosity of the Mayan history and the end of time. I've been doing so much research into the Mayans history since the day Ben(Yckss) post:"21 Dec 2012! The end of the world!" as his nick for msn.. Main reason is due to the fact that I'm born at 21 Dec while the other is due to my name as Joshua.. Look into it if you dun understand!! haha!!

The Mayans are such highly developed civilisation that theirs over-development are the main cause of their death. Their symbol of a serpent over a cross had been scientifically proven as the standard DNA structure and it's used world-wide as the symbol for ambulance! The country that started using it? USA!! They had been so involved in mysteries of the world together with the pyramid which adds up so much things! The structure of the pyramid for one, adds up to form the perfect mathematics icon, PIE, or 3.142*****. Sorry I'm lazy to check and write down the correct figure! But think!! Using that icon and certain numbers in the Mayans world will cause you to get the world's correct length and diameter! Think!! A civilisation so far from our time actually managed to get such a figure? It's just weird to think of it..

Anyway, after the movie I met Ben before we go off to Tuft city for Biwen's bday steamboat celebration. Felt bad for being late but.. aiya! Talk to Ben and found out more about him as I managed to get some quiet time to myself which caused me to think too much yet again.. Every min I'm thinking of it and every min I will get emotional..

Before reaching home, I took a walk down Bishan park alone as I stare at the stars looking for solutions and peace.. I wonder.. What would it be like if my life is missing that piece of zig-saw puzzle which is causing me so much emotions? I know for sure I don't wish to live in that world but yet.. Everyday.. Every min.. It causes me to feel like shit.. lol..

Enough emo-ing for today.. Gotta go to bed.. although sleeping or not will be a question.. God.. I ask you humbly today.. Please help me get my emotion in place as I slowly mature on as a human.

2009-11-20T08:50:00.001-08:00

My fav past time have finally came.. The time where activities and work are so packed up together that I will not have a time to myself is always something I've enjoyed over the past few years. They always managed to keep my mind off things and force that bit of emo-look in me into a smile.

However.. for a few reasons.. this period of time will be hell on me... No matter how busy I am taking photos for clients or how much I've got to do in terms of school work/after school CCas or plain fun going out with friends.. My enjoyment have been slowly flowing out...

All I feel now is pure fatigue.. I need a break.. A long one.. One which have no limits and no family.. No friends, no world, no work, no study No nothing! Just plain me and a floor of anything.. Anything which i can lay back on, with me looking up onto whichever roof/ sky above me. Having nothing on my mind just relaxing..

Maybe it's time for me to cut back the schedules and fit in some time to just run away to the beach.. Sitting there.. Staring into the endless sea.. That is but a wishful thinking though..

I've cursed myself with overflowing emotions which is hunting me none stop.. All I can do now is to lay down and pray.. Pray that a miracle would come.. And take it all away..

2009-11-18T20:48:00.000-08:00

finally over. haha being dragging on for so darn long that have caused all party involved so drain and tired. I personally asked for it I guess. Seeing how it's becoming more and more tiring and worst still.. it's making me feel like shit day and night, everywhere i go i feel like shit and worst.

Now it's just purely about getting it over! My life is meant to be filled with friends!! wahaha! Seeing how things have being processing.. I'm just so darn dumb. It was so clear at the beginning that it's just not going to work and yet I'm pushing it further and further. IT WAS SO CRYSTAL CLEAR LAH!!! basket!!! seriously Derek was right man.. I'm dumb and naive to think it was get going to work out so how? zzz..

Few friends have to advising me about this and yet i'm a big enough block head to have ignored and just though with my life. I guess all party in this have being so tired and weak by now. I apologize to have only asked for the obvious now though. Hoping that you all seeing I'm a blockhead in obvious thinking.. I hope you all can find it in your heart to forgive this ridiculous event which is all due to my fault. Signing out for awhile. Josh

2009-10-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

The previous post is deleted as too much privacy had been revealved. Those who know pls keep to yourself. Thanks.

J.C

2009-09-19T10:56:00.001-07:00

I love my current holiday!!!! WOOH!!! It's freaking great can? Just when I thought next week is a utimate boring week, Jon msg me about helping out at YOG on 22-25 sept and 28 sept-2 oct. For my classmates, don't worry I didn't agree to the 28 sept - 2 Oct one, I don't need a class filled enemies scolding me ><.

Thinking about it.. Naz is coming back soon and his bday is of course over.. however something should be coming out soon hehe.

Just finish reading a note Able tagged on facebook. Kinda made me think a little bit more about certain things. Standing in between two sides have been really frustrating and trying to get out now is like killing the chance those two ever had.. AHH!! Whatever lah!!

Went for the game convention this afternoon and I happen to saw this cos play which is soooo much better than the rest(other than those cos play that covers up everything). Toradora's Tiga. That cosplayer happens to have the same size and roughly the kinda face Tiga would have in real life! Damn nice la!

Vic recently said this to me at a conversation about a certain job interview which needs to stat if you know anyone taking 'o' or 'n' level this year:"Compared to you who have so many friends, I have a easier time thinking about who is at where and studying what then you!". WRONG! I don't have alot of friends. Thing being is friends come and go. Close friends stays on. I have lots of acquaintances due to the previous activities I happen to be involved in but the true friends whom I will reveal to can easily be counted with two hands and feets. Poly friends not counted since I will be seeing them for at least another six months.

Saying about poly.. Naz you are right! I'm a freaking loser who have no guts and ideas on how to talk to the girl i like and even when I say i try, I can't even open up a 'hi and bye' conversation on msn!!! AHHH!!!!

2009-09-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

OK. This post is due to the people i had caused inconveniences to. Which is basically all my classmates especially Lim JH and Shari!

I'm SORRY!!!!

Jon and I didn't think we would get into the trip since the teacher didn't inform us of any details till yesterday and I was seriously struggling to chose the better one out of two camps which suddenly pop up in front of me. (One being Vietnam and the other being KL.)

I was changing dates of so many things that I've thought this is the best holiday ever! Nothing like a busy holiday so I will not rot at home! woot! Anyway back to the subject and so for anyone who don't check class blog, please do it now and I sincerely hope that all of my dear classmate would attend this outing we will have at 1 and 2 of Oct.

Thanks to all and sorry again for the inconveniences.

Holiday!!

2009-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

First week of holiday was f-up! Rush here, rush there do this, do that... Makes everyday of that week feels like a school day.. Damn!

Anyway the photography camp at last week's wed to fri were great! Made some new friends and learn new things!

One thing that were continued to be reminded to me were that using Olympus DSLR means that you need to learn that cam inside out. I've used Canon, Nikon and Sony DSLR and all of them are so much easier to use then Olympus!! White balance is easier to set, colour setting is easy.. There's just so much thing that's easier! Not that I dislike Olympus but they seems to be going towards the female side by making the DSLR smaller and smaller and less "Pro-like". Their new flagship e-30 feels like a semi-pro dslr from Canon and Nikon! Haiz.. God.. Please make more Olympus DSLR that's like E-3!!!

Well... After the camp finished up, I had three hours of sleeping time before meeting up Nick and Jon at the IT show. Walked about searching for DSLR which both of them wanted to buy before saying our goodbyes at 5.30.

5.31 is the time which I met up with Victor and Alfred for.. the IT show.. We went off to have Carl's JR for dinner before going to the IT show to buy Vic's laptop.. Once we reach the IT show, we saw this freaking huge, monster-like candy cone at sale for $1.50!! wahlao ei!! It's bigger than mine head lah!! Alfred brought that and after he's finished with it, he was walking about like a sick cat nearly vomitting at times.. Vic then brought a Gateway laptop for a cut off price and back home it was!!! 3 days 2 nights of sleepless nights is finally over!!!! woot!!!

Sat: Went back to IT show yet again to buy portable speaker, this time Ching We and Vic. While Ching We was buying his $50 crazyly great speaker, this rather beatiful girl came over and started to promote that same brand's portable speaker. I ended up buying it and get suan for falling into the beauty trap.. Ei! I didn't buy that because of her ok!! She told me that speaker were even more powerful that the smaller speaker which is cheaper so I ended up buying that more expensive speaker than the one which I wanted to buy form another brand..

Testign the speaker made me feel like a loser.. Since Vic gotten the speaker I originally wanted... Good thing: I've got a freaking good bass that's totally amazing! Bad thing: It's half the volume vic's speaker is.. haiz.. Nvm! It's a good enough speaker and I'm happy with it ;)

Anyway I've did something that I'll start regretting this Sunday and I'll feel it every weekend from now on.. That's to miss the ministry training and ushering the previous Sunday.. Now I've to wait for 6 months before I can be accepted in the minstry.. Haiz.. Praying here that God will not damn me from serving him in the future ><.

Anyway the holiday feeling is finally here!! I don't know about you guys but in my holiday, it means a few things: 1. If I gotten a job then that's it. BB to holiday and HELLO MONEY!!! 2. No job means I'll go out nearly everyday with different friends and spending money so fast that my bank account will cry mercy!! The formation had lined up nicely so far with a b-day this week, church friends at wed, taewando at tues, blah blah blah.. Amount I'll roughly spend: $100++ Amount of time I'll kanna scolding for that: 3 hours(if I'm lucky) or 30 mins a day..

The timing for my camps and oversea trips are all crushing up together.. 5-7 Oct is the class outing but now Jon and I had been accepted for the Vitnam trip(5-10 Oct) so I'm trying to get Shari to postpone it.. Then the NYAA people e-mailed me saying they are having a trip to KL which would help complete some of the NYAA citeria which also falls on 5-10 Oct.. I still got chess club's camp I got to look into and luckily, the BME camp is safely out of the way at 28-30 Sept so no worries about that. Now to fix up my passport's photo and a few minor things and I'll only have to worry abt the crashing dates!!! woot!!! Gtg slp night.

WooT!!

2009-09-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

This is the third post in like one week? WOW! The dead blog is coming alive again for awhile ei? You should be able to see a pattern here by now.. Whenever I'm back, I'll semi- flood the blog full of posting for awhile and once it die down.. It will be dead for a few months. Aiyah! We are Singaporean! Who the hack care about a pattern in mine blog? You think Da Vinci code ar? lol anyway let's just go into posting ^^

Thurs: The laughter filled day full of pocket blowing and aching mouth.
I'm not about to write how deep in depression I am just because I've a 50% chance of failing my Chem but I'm going to write about the time after chem..

Jon had this idea of taking a class photo(Yes.. Again..) right after the exam ended, so being the cam nut that I am, I brought every thing, the cam, the lens, lens hoods and every single little thing that wouldn't even be used! Well.. I've forgotten my battery.. BOTH OF THEM! >< Ah.. lucky someone was willing to help us take with Jon's cam which I've said tons of time but I've got to say again.. It's the BEST compact so far! The pic quality and color is matchable with DSLR and ... .. I can flood this post with cam stuff so nvm..

Anyway, Me, Naz, Sam, Jon and Guo Wei were meeting at Bishan, 14:45 to makan Sakai Sushi and drink sake(that's me and Sam only!) but God had other plans and we end up eating Cafe Cartel. Before meeting up, Naz and Guo Wei were going to chess club while Jon were going home for awhile. Leaving Sam to listening to my crapping as we proceed to Bishan 3 hour in advance.

We reached at about 2 hour before the meeting time and so we decided to find a free air-con place to slack. Popular were the choice only that we ended up $35+ poorer after we came out.Sam saw this book which he was searching for a long time(Brisingr) which is the third book in the Eragon series. I kinda.. phsyco him to buying the book which were $30+... Felt damn guilty while he's q-ing but his mind is made up and there's no turning back! I loan him my popular which gave him a whooping $11.70 discount! While the book I brought (Dead until dark ($18+) only gave me a $1.70 discount.. lol

If i'm not wrong.. Dead until dark have this TV series called true blood in HBO. I've no idea since 1.I don't watch TV. 2.I don't search for drama show unless someone ask me to. 3.I've finished the book in one day. 4.I just don't care!.
One side info would be seeing Dr.Li Ying at Popular. She was holding this MJ's tribute book. While others would say things like "how sad it is that drug killed him", "The gossip and rumor destroyed a great performer" and stuff like that.. She only had this to say for the next 5 mins.. "Look! (fliping the pages to and fro) He look so different!"... Well.. Not a bad reaction.. Maybe she's more used to chinese singer then the King of pop that's all..

Met up Naz and the rest later at Cafe Cartel where my meal's meat gave my jaws and gums the biggest exercise they have had in their life(it's like 3 boxes of chewing gum), Naz, Sam and Jon's meal were so soft, Naz was swallowing his meat without even chewing on it! Anyway after the lunch/dinner was watching "The proposal".

The whole movie theater were filled with around 15 or so people? WOW! We occupied 33.33% of the seat! cool! It's a real funny comedy which although was kinda dull at the start(Guo wei fell asleep), it make up the start with a great show for the rest of the movie. One point being.. The wedding song was cannon in D.. For some reason, Sam started to sing the graduation song together with me while it's play.. He one line, I one line.. Then see him kinda tickled by Naz lol. We go on our each way after that and I reach home, bath and drop dead till 9.30 tmr.....

Suay?

2009-09-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

WOOHO!! One more paper to go! I've found myself to be lacking of motivation to study, AT ALL! Anyway paper turned out to be easy but still i will most likely fail due to lack of study and blah blah blah.. Not gonna go on about my bad points.. which is a freaking huge collection.

To summerise things are for people who don't think I did badly enough to fail, here's a tiny example! Question 3(a): Define stress, strain and Young's Modules. Answer: blah blah blah (correct answer for stress and strain)... Young Modules: A modules created by a person whose name happens to be Young whom lots of students hates. (then correct answer for it).

Next up, went off to meet Aloy, didn't see him for a long long time since I stop going to the folks, met him, talked crap and say bye. Went off to taewandoo then. Right before taewandoo even started, I started to have bad cough and sneeze which causes very bad chest pain. Took a taxi home which causes me $$, reach the doctor for her to say this: "It seems like you have a very bad cough(which started only one hour before ><) and flu. With your previous case of nose infection, I think your flu should be ok (Although it's the one which is the most painful??). It appears that you had afew major sneeze and cough which damaged your rib area badly. Try not to cough and sneeze for the night and it should be alright. I will give you some cough, flu, throat and painkillers to take."

Well... It seems like I've now gotten cough and sneeze so powerful that it damages myself! SO!! Next time if you see that I gonna sneeze or cough.. Run like a wind and hide!! lol!! Anyways it's money blowing week for me and majority of my cash is already in the hands or taxi driver and my dear neighbourhood doctor ^^.

Reach home at about 9, ate abit of things then look through my old laptop (5 years old and died). Dismentle it up and pluck out my good old harddrive. Decided to make the trip down to Sim Lim soon so that I can make it into a portable harddrive. Ideas came from Shari's blog which had a very old post asking if you can take out the harddrive. Thanks!

Anyway, blog skin is changed for the second time this week. Tagbox, music and link is back but the blog isn't completed yet. The old skin which I liked alot had it's picture removed or something like that? Don't know lah! Anyway new skin, new post and new position. Looking forward to YOG and I chess to get me busy and happy!!

Edit: This part is just to scold 3 idiots out there.
As I was taking 950 to marsiling, there's 3 bloody "genius" who stood right on the stairs of the exit door who block each and everyone's way. It's reasonable if there's say.. alot of people and there's no space, or they are alighting the next stop. However.. those 3 "genius" were still in the bus when I got off at the 5th bus stop which by that time, they had caused innconviences to about 7 people who alighted earlier AND I must add that they had too go all the way to the frontdoor, causes innconvience to the people going in, just because those three "genius", with seats and plenty of standing area around, wouldn't move at all even when people asked. Bus driver was just seating there, not caring! WT*??!!! I would then alight at the 5th stop together with 2 other people. Both sec sch people. As they walked past the back door, one of them pointed out a middle finger right at those 3 "genius"! Trust me, that was the best scene I've seen for a long time and it's one which is richly deserving! Well.. Even if those 3 "genius" were somehow on the underdeveloped side, which is highly unlikely with the speech they used to talk to one another, they will still be considered idiots since it's bloody common senses! Next being they are doing that purposely, which is highly likely since they refused to bulge even when asked, then they aren't just idiots. They are idiots whom other then missing a brain, is missing a heart too.

Scold enough to make me feel better! Whoever that don't like this post, write in my tag, I will make sure one day this happens to you then you can tell me how it feels alright? Thanks and bye!

10 dumb facts abt me!

2009-08-29T08:02:00.001-07:00

1. I've a phobia towards talking to woman of any ages.
2. It takes me a hell lot of courage just to open my mouth to talk to them ><.
3. Was sitting right in the middle of 12 girls in church today! Guess what? I realised i could be freaking quiet for 5 hours!!
4. I strongly believe that guys and girls should have some space between them which is why I looked like I'm trying to be a minced meat at today's service.
5. I don't hit woman. I hate people who does that. I only does it once that female being decides to show me she's a dude after all.
6. Female beings I think is a dude : 2.
7. One in my family, one in secondary.
8. Hit any of them? Once. Family.
9. Despite all these points which costs me to run away from females, I'm stright.
10: I counted me having a girlfriend once as a huge miracle!

Btw. Changed a new skin since too many people had said the old skin is emo ><. Ok changed. BUT!! The old skin information is gone. Tagbox, music and stuffs like that are in a information I kept in hotmail BUT bloody hotmail pgave up on me so I cannot upload those information. So sorry! Will get it to proper order asap. Thanks!

2009-07-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

AH! The dead blog is coming alive for a t least this few days with a new post!! are you happy readers?? ^^ However.. Warning first, for those people who strongly belives that no matter what your parents do wrong, they are still your parents and you shouldn't scold them. Well. This is not a post you should see.

Seriously though this week i realised a few of the things that I've been changing in my brain since the April "honeymoon" period of poly life. My goals and wishes had been forced to be pushed aside since god had given me a responsibility since young which I will have to completed so that my family wouldn't have to suffer the lingering effect of my father's departing "gift".

Wishful thinking like going to university, having a dream job is all out of the window, getting out of poly with a good enough GPA to show that I've learned something is all that I shall aim for now. Although my father, amazingly, was a planner in life and had given me a university insurance policy which will pay 3 whole years of university fees! wow! He's not useless after all!!

However.. Seeing stress being build up on to my mother... A working life is most likely gotta come first as I struggle through payments in private U.

2009-07-09T06:24:00.001-07:00

since so long never blog le tonight i shall post two!!! wahaha!!! my blog is the most pitiful of all blogs since i only post 77 post in 3 years so far. so must start treating it better and feed it more posts!! eat up!!! haha!!!!

today woke up at abt 10 plus due to that bastard derek sleep over at my place then force me to sleep so late make me wake up with a lousy headache basket!! keep talking make me unable to sleep until 5 in the morning. lucky i can still wake up somehow at 10.

reach nyp at 11 meeting naz at the same old place and tried studying physics which happens to be a waste of time. my mind was filled up with something else instead of the subject which i'm supposed to be studying and well .. .. .. haiz!!! 20% into the brain while the other are all wasted.

the time for bio paper soon came and Naz who was saying how lucky he was today sudden drop his laptop due to a spoilt pole support damn suay la!! tried starting up his laptop when i found out that the only component most likely spoilt was the hard drive meaning all data gone including his MS project. sad sia lucky hecky gave him a extended dateline.

walking towards the interchange today might just be the happiest moment of this week for me lol. went to the cheers there and found a drink i had been hoping to try out... the Jim Beams cola flavor!! it have that bit of chiva taste at the beginning which slowly slowly dissolve away giving me a full taste of the cola. not a bad tasting drink which hardly gave me any alchol "highness" lol. Maybe it's due to the vodka i had drank yesterday night with derek which is very very little lah!!!
<-- the Jim Beam i drank on the way back. still have some left when i got home.

<-- The vodka that had been in my house since new year. Dislike it's taste alot though derek loved it. It's still chivas for me!!!

got home, tried studying to a better effect then at mac with naz and sam but still too little to be significant. hope tmr the paper isn't a killer!!! had been easy papers so far so pls continue!!! haha!!!! let me have a respectable GPA!!!!

2009-07-09T06:02:00.001-07:00

omg!!!! i confirm fucked up my papers le lah!!! knn !! next up is physic paper which i have 0 confidences in!! my lousiest subject put last day humm.. maybe it's a sign from god to start studying instead of just sitting at the table and stare! XD

since the passing of these few weeks, I've been able to somewhat see what the new "me" is like. this week alone was spend on studying, studying and more studying which kinda interrupted my plans but still I've been able to stabilize my new persona which i had struggled to cope with at the beginning. Things like suddenly emo-ing or sudden mood swing should be gone by now hopefully.

haiz.. the emo days in secondary school still hunts me today. Shari said i got the aura of a emo?? omg!! i seriously think I've changed alot since the ITE days where i consider myself as a semi-emo!! if it's looks then in due time it will change if it's my comments on certain things then it shows I haven't change enough yet and if it's the blog skin... lol.. ashamed of saying it out but I'm a big noob in blogskin. this blogskin was the nicest and easiest to set in so i chosen this for the time being! haha!! so give me some time which is about one month or so and you will see a blog skin!!! +)

it has now come to a point where seeing makes me feels happy and saying anything makes me feels like the luckiest guy in the world. JH said before that this wouldn't work and i agreed but i somehow just couldn't end it. think i just kinda sucks at those kinda things..

umn.. to another person. not sure if you are still seeing my blog but if you are being serious and not pulling my leg... i'm seriously sorry i made that relationship seems this way. apology is nothing i know but it's the only thing i can offer.

2009-06-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

The most valuable lesson which had been repeating itself infront of me for the past one month. Keep your lousy mouth shut if you aren't good at communication and your life will be way better.

STRIKE!!!!

2009-06-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say that this blog writer's brain had just went on a strike for one week. Due to the amount of abuse the writer's school had been throwing at the writer, his brain had finally felt the strain and had decided to go on a strike.

The brain had demanded more resting time for itself which this writer is very unwilling to give. This strike is expected to continue on for the next one week. More updates will be posted. Until then. This is lost4ever signing off.

2009-06-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

second day of hair staying dry.. starting to be abit impatient!! AHH!!! My hair got chemical smell which i wanna wash off!!! I wanna wash it off!! lol dun mind me, i'm just passing time in a crappy way

2009-06-06T08:23:00.001-07:00

Went off to rebond my hair today.. had to call up someone before leaving the house which seriously pissed me off.. zzz.. only hear that lousy voice and i'm pissed off already how to meet up? fuk... zzz..

met ray later with that black face due to that lousy fuk up voice i had to hear.. rushed off to yishun to get my hair done asap!!! Reached the place and joked with the auntie for awhile before she gets started on my hair.. ray wanted to take pic with his DSLR which i managed to hide away from!! haha!!! your photography skill still noob lah!!! go learn from Sim for another few more years before you try again!!

got my hair done in about 2 hours.. late for the meeting up with alfred's group.. ah.. nvm lah.. they always late anyways lol... went off to jurong swimming complex where i stone away from the water for the whole 3 hours there... newly rebond hair.. cannot touch water.. haiz...

went off at abt 7.. that trip was a great one. not because of it being fun but seeing the sister and brother getting together after a "cold war" between them all.. although they are unite over a controversy issue which i have no wish to get any where close to. Reached home and my mother was saying my hair looks no a girl.. ei.. i like lah.. so nvm. She didn't really react badly to it. Just said that it's kinda.. emo.. lol.. waiting for one more month!!! shall dye or highlight my hair then!!! dunno which color to chose from though. .

^My looks right after the rebonding.. This is the first time i actually put a pic with my face on the blog.. Raymond don't make me regret doing this.

2009-06-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

ok.. late late post.. got woken up by my own cough and currently just cannot get back to slp so blogging it is ^^. Well.. Got tired of my plain old wallpaper of a blog, i uploaded a blogskin from some website i not sure of the name.. Then spend two hours figuring out the things to fix for it.. Currently done but if you find any problems in there do tell me k? thxs. Let's go onto the monday things :

Woke up at the morning to hear those noises i had been hearing for the past few weeks.. Somehow it managed to creep into me and i recklessly shouted out like a mad man.. Shocked everyone but with that feeling still inside, i have to stay behind and do some things before going off for sch.. Recieved a call from Naz saying that i'm bloody late le.. Sian.. Rushed out with a bloody black face like a ah long then board a cab.

inside the cab the taxi uncle was listening to radio which said that the most moody job a person can have is a taxi driver while the most uplifting is a accountant o.O.. he started laughing and tried to get me into a conversation with him.. He turned back and saw me with that black "i will kill" face then turned back and kept quiet for the rest of the trip.. guess it's idiots like me that makes their job hard ><.. sorry sia uncle.. reached the sch.. check the tab which is $5.65.. Gave him $7 then just got off and rushed off without saying anything.. lol... he must be thinking siao kid! i owe you a living isit? lol. Reached the Cp lab.. sit down and read through the paper.. Relatively easy enough.. just that i forgot to bring a pen.. made my mood worst.. lucky i sit at the front row so no one can see that charcoal face.. borrowed a pen from Ben. Thxs man! write down all the answer then rush out of the lab with the same face.. Kinda wanted to just rush off like that but decided that it's bad for everyone to see who i was.. head back and tried chatting... Went off to have chicken rice with junhong, paul and ming yang.. Shari only had a drink. then went off to maths class.. quite easy to understand without problems.. come lunch time.. the full force of it is finally here and i emo-ed for the whole 4 or 5 hours! even after the break when class start i was still emoing.. Wrote down emo massages which when i reached home and re-read it makes me feel like slapping myself and i did that.. went off to organic chem. Was doing tutorial when i suddenly feels like vomiting and my head was spinning.. Controlled those emotions as i rush through the tutorial. Went off to chess club later as i control those sick feeling.. felt better as i sit down and played C. Chess with guo wei.. Record of the day.. Lost one Win one.. Not bad for me.. Gone home later on.. Mother is back with her medical report.. Read through it and found that she's as healthy as a 20 or 30 years old. Felt so darn relive lah!!! She was "singing" to someone on the phone as it appears that my maid had mistreated my sis.. Mother said there's a slap sign behind my sis back.. Although kinda frustrated and was going to have a good talk with that maid.. I dropped down to the bed and just sleep on.. Woke up two hours later to find my lungs burning.. Too hard a cough i guess.. Tmr meeting Naz for gyming and JH(lim) for swimming. Going to the doc before that.. hope i can go to sch without problems.. although tmr kinda useless><.. JH.. your last piece of advice is something i being trying.. it's just that.. well.. you know it as well lah.. Giving up is always hard.. somemore when she doesn't even noe makes it all the worse.. haiz..

2009-05-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

sorry for anyone who happens to see the last, deleted one.. went siao for awhile.. cannot control emotions..

2009-05-31T06:48:00.000-07:00

i'm back to be like myself at secondary school days.. where everyday i torture myself mentally.. haiz.. something that most likely ends up negative should be abandon... but i just can't do it.. i'm not that cool to forgo my feelings.. feels like i'm slowly eating my heart out.. zzz.. oh well.. enough of emo blogging let's go on to today's Joshua life haha..

woke up at abt 7 to do somethings.. causing me to be late for meeting naz and guo wei at the library.. felt abit.. sian.. not because of studying but because well.. nvm.. meet them up and study..although i woke up feeling great, my mood totally sucks as i make the journey to the library.. don't feel like doing anything at all.. reach there.. tried to study.. failed.. sit there and stare.. making myself looks like a idiot.. well.. i'm one since i'm the one to call for the study meeting yet i'm stoning there because i have a lousy mood..

went off later.. had lunch at nebo with guo wei and naz.. mood got worst when i found out i lost my passion card.. total crap. tried thinking positive.. hey! at least you only lost your passion card!! i mean I forgot my whole bloody wallet yesterday after the taewando training and after one hour when i rushed back it's still there!! With everything inside!!! thank god there's good people out there. Still the mood remains lousy but i managed to have some fun chatting we guo wei and Naz.

Watched Terminator Salvation the movie after eating. i think that movie is great.. however i didn't enjoy watching it much due to myself again.. going to download it and watch it again some other time. Asked Naz and Guo Wei to come over and study after the show since the library is most likely crowed.. Reached my house at abt 7 and they goes off at abt 9. Thxs Naz and Guo Wei to actually take time off haha.. somemore have to see the person who organize it not studying.. must had feel like punching me ei?

Made this statement to them.. I will wear only white shirt for the next next week.. which is 8 to 12 of april.. last day which is friday i will wear formal.. lol.. shall see how.. organization 13 cloak coming up soon..

2009-05-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

late post again.. friday was a rather bz day for me although there's only 2 hours of maths.. lucky the sch arranged a special maths course for the ITE student, the way that lecturer teach is well.. rather speedy and sometime hard to grasp.

after maths class, went to play tennis with JH( both), Naz, Xin Hui, Yan Hua, Shi Ya, Syafiqah, Guo wei, Sam and jonathan.. played for abt 1 hour plus before i feel like dropping.. felt damn sian.. stamina still so lousy. Every sports i do even when i loved it got limited. When we all stop playing tennis.. everyone left expect for Naz, lim JH, Syafiqah, sam and me. We went inside kofu, soak in on the free aircon as we rest and chit chat. chat for abt 1 hour before leaving the sch towards our own destination.

For some reason.. As I leave kofu.. I feel like i had annoyed someone very badly with my words.. umn.. maybe it's because i'm too sensitive.. but it's still bothering me now. Well.. I'm a wood lah.. you shoot a arrow full of feelings towards me and i wouldn't even noe what had happened.. If i did say something to annoy you.. sorry man.. i'm a retard on that area..

walk home and while on the way i suddenly thought that i'm not studying enough so went to the library and choing some books.. random sia ><.. went home after one hour since i promised vic to swim.. reached home kinda early.. didn't think i would walk so shortly and that fast. Sleep for around 2 hours before vic called and told me to go swimming earlier as it's too hot.. swim for one hour plus and went home since vic got a stomach ache..

Went to vic's house to slack around. got a call from mother and with her tone i knew i'm died for something i didn't even do.. WTF man.. Went home to listen to the "nice music" she will soon sing .. well.. got scolded for my sister's action.. kinda ignored it.. went online and played the sim3 while waiting for vic to get online and say the plans of today.. that bastard was playing dota like a retard and made the whole group of people wait for him for 2 hours.. finally came online after i called him.. finish up the plans and shut down the com and sleep.. felt really tired.. mentally and physically.. i need a rest.. soon.. eternal will be welcome..

2009-05-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

In mech class now. Saw something i never thought i would had seen.. MY LAPTOP FLYING!!! OMG!!! my laptop pro right? so darn good that it can fly ><.. came into the lecture class to find that my foldable table had been a victim of vandalism.

When i tried to get my charger from the bag, i accidentally knock onto my laptop on the very nicely vandalised table. My lapatop start flying ><.. Six years of playing goalkeeper finally paid off and i managed to catch my dear lappy in time somehow lah huh.. lol. going back listen to stress lecture and get more stress..

2009-05-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

This post is only to say i wrote xin hui's name wrongly again -.-''... if edit will be very mafan so post easier ^^. Sorry xinhui!!!!

2009-05-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

I know I'm in no position to say this.. Every people have problems, big or small, they would still be troubled with it.. That applies to family.. in fact that applies greatly towards family. You said your family is fucked up, you say you feel like you don't belong there.. Seeing how your family works.. sometime i truly think you are really sad case.

However you aren't the worse. There's worse cases around Singapore and from my own background i got a truly fucked up father and a truly 50% nut case relatives from my father side. I know people whose family are nearly broken up and they are still trying to build it back.. Look into your background and see the reason to why they treat you that way.. They might had treated you like that from the beginning BUT did you try to make them change theirs ways? You tried to use the big over small method over two boys when you are one girl? somemore you are the youngest? hello? even if you are the oldest you must also think who the hack will treat someone that treats them recklessly like a sister??

I believe that in every family problems, big or small, the impact it causes is all the same.. you might think that other's problem is small compares to yours well vice versa to you as well.. Adapt to your situation.. Improvise it.. Make the best out of a lousy situation.. your case can still be solved.. A few of my friends are so deep in that it's taking years to get back on.. change your attitude.. If you see this and feel like whacking me, i will be at your house this sat you can whack all you like..

2009-05-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

Here's something directed towards a ITE friend.. is getting a gf really that important? what truly matters is that you love that person which is why you want to go out right?? getting a gf that's only "play play" is like telling the girl you are a toy.. They are not states booster.. They are humans.. treat people with respect and they shall threat you e same..

2009-05-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

omg so long nv post le... although i'm currently tired and sleepy i felt like i should at least write down one day worth of life experiance in what i consider to be bz meaningful week. Plus if i dun write this post i would have owe shari two posts><.. told her i would be writing about her at my blog twice le haha i shall start at the beginning of the week at Monday..

Felt my old shelf being back for somewhat the first time in poly.. feeling totally emotional, when someone was saying a joke i would actually laugh all the way like a mad man, totally unstoppable and i keep turning sad and angry for nothing o.O lol.. come Tuesday.. the full force of it finally came. It's what i considered to be a full force mood swing.. I started the day really great. Was feeling fine and happy. Totally different from Monday.

Then it started.. I gotten sad all of a sudden and in the middle of lunch break, went out towards a empty field, and shouted!! Just a nice big "AHHHH!!!!". A real stupid move as about six or seven student happened to be walking past the field and they were staring a me like they had seen a mad man ><''!!! omg.. so embarrassing.. that shout however, didn't managed to stop my mood swing.. went to class and hear lectures then all of a sudden i feel like punching somebody.. OUT OF NOWHERE!!! i just suddenly feel like punching somebody!!! anybody.. shit... took out my laptop, lend some lecture notes from Naz and started writing out the stuff like a mad man.. type, type and type.. my frustration finally got slightly melt down.. kept the laptop then started to really listen to the class.. after the class however.. my feeling was still at the peak.. told myself to clam down.. totally useless ><.. Finally i asked Naz to hold up my maths textbook, concentrated strength inside my arm and released out a moderate strength punch onto the book!! the feeling right after doing that was totally shiok!!! However i must apologise to Naz and anyone that seen me in this "siao" mode that two days.. it's totally random and out of no reason at all.. sorry.

Wed, went to play tennis with JH, Shari, Syafiqah, Xi Hui (I SPELT YOUR NAME CORRECTLY!!! WOOT!!! lol), Shi Ya, Ming Yang, Paul and Sam. Also have to say sorry to all of you that I organize this tennis but didn't go look into it further, asking if the court would be used and all.. We played for 20 mins + because of the earlier booking by the tennis club and had to leave. I felt very disgusted by the attitude of NYP in a sense that we cannot borrow basketball, soccer, tennis ball etc. etc. as they are only lendable to people that are in those club themselves. Hello!!! if they are in those club themselves isn't it a common sense that they might have those equipments themselves? Save for a small group of people. If you are scared that some people might damage/ steal those things that make them leave their student card before lending it to them! Why so kiasu? Due to the failed try of lending basketball, me, Shari and JH went running at the track field while Paul and Ming Yang went to their CCA and the rest went back home. sorry again to you all!!! JH went around the field for a good six or seven round while the out of shape me went only about 1 and a half ><.. so out of shaped that i even felt like vomiting later and did vomit!! damn.. Shari was troubled with her relationship problems and although i wished to help getting her moods up, i just couldn't find the words to do it.. felt really useless as a friend to be unable to even say something to cheer her up... Went with them to Kofu to makan and drink water.. Chat about our personal secrets and found two people with a really deep background. In the middle of the chat.. I accidentally smack my drink towards me causing my pants to be totally wet.. lucky i brough extras.. lol..

Thurs, a rather smooth day that i noted to myself that the mood swinging had ended. However Sam became the bad mood one and he also screamed just like i did, only he did it inside a empty toliet while what i did was making a fool out of myself in public >< haha. Friday, Nearly late for lab as i over slept again but luck was on my side and the bus came early, Xi hui helped me print the lab report so i didn't have to worry about it. Thanks!! after C programming class in which i was playing pokemon indigo and reading news over the net 75% of the time, Naz, me and JH(lee not lim) went for Chess club. Naz had juz became the vice-chairman of the international Chess club (Congrats man!!!) and was high on that day over it. Played weiqi for awhile and thought that i might have improved abit, played double international chess with Naz and two other guys, shockingly... Naz lost... omg.. i think it's because too many of my pieces kanna eaten though.. Went back home at around 7 and went swimming.

Sat, Went to the last Alpha course(out of 15) at GMC in the early morning.. When i first when for the course, I seriously felt like i got betrayed by my mother in the sense that i went for the course to support her going since she said she would go if i accompany her but she backed out later, that morning she sounded like she's kinda pissed off at me still sleeping when it should be time i left the house.. got mad and told her that i will remember it inside me that when i finally did something and craved time out for her, she back out suddenly.. felt angry inside me while i travel towards the meeting point with aunt susan (my mother friend, she met her when my sis was still inside the hospital and due to her regular visit they soon become close friends.) Throughout the traveling, tons of people was staring at me with that kinda, wow.. a bloody gangster.. , kinda look.. was still tired so i decided to let myself doze off even though i was standing.. Met aunt suasan up and slept for awhile inside her car, arrive there and started to sleep inside church before it started.. that day was a video recording of the alpha course held at england, although the speaker in the video is a great speaker.. i was tired enough to have slept through the whole course.. felt so damn bad to the people who was concentrating.. At the end, rushed back to amk to change and get ready to go swimming!! on the way towards home.. i felt terrible for speaking to my mother that way.. called her just to say sorry.. Reached home, grab my stuff and rushed off since i'm already late.. Met up with MY, JH and Shari at the YCK mrt although i'm late. That day was the proving for this sentence. :"do not judge a book by it's cover". Since out of JH, me and MY.. only MY is the da ge while JH and i are still small kids.. lol.. Since Shari dun really know how to swim, me, MY and JH went to the adult pool to warm up first. After awhile we went to the middle pool to chit chat for awhile, talking about horny stuff lol.. Then we moved off to the kids pool where there's a waterfall kinda feature that feels just like massage ^^. went off to eat at sumo house later, shari was in a hurry to get back as after eating, walked them towards the MRT/traffic light intercross and said our GBs to MY and Shari then JH accompany to take bus at Amk hub. Chat on the way there then bus came and say bye to him as well. Was so tired that i just fell onto the bed after bathing one more time then just sleep.. till the morning at abt 9.30 when my phone goes off telling me to wake up..

The next day which is today's post would be post tommorow because i'm to tired to continue on.. Sorry haha bb

btw.. stop avioding me.. i'm not a monster, alien or anything like that.. jokes aside, if your negative abt it.. then so be it.. We are still friends alright?

2009-05-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

laying on my bed.. staring at the ceiling.. losing a fight that haven't began.. what the heck am i doing??
this isn't a riddle.. dun go posting possible "answers" on the tag or comments... thxs...

2009-05-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days where a good mood suddenly turns bad all of a sudden..

Fourth time this year i nearly been late for class ><.. Woke up early at 7.30, only to drag the time on by slacking on the bed till around 8.44 before rushing down as usual and flagging a cab to NYP.. Reach there kinda in time and since it's computer programming, i juz sit one side and try to recap all the ITE stuff.. Felt really bad during the lesson, slight fever coming up and my limbs feels like they are in ice. At abt 30 mins into the class, i rushed out of the room to buy some medicine. Class ended and life comes back into me as I rushed out of the classroom to some warm sunlight. Went on to maths class.. Head was spinning, mind wasn't on track and limbs are totally cold.. Fell asleep as soon as i reach the class and dispite waking up at certain part of the lesson, i still didn't have enough energy to stay awake. Feels so damn bad lah. sleep in her lesson.. somemore i was sitting right in front of her ><.. Must make up to her by scoring high in the exams. Amazingly, i recovered in between break time which is right after the maths lesson. That made me feel worse for sleeping in the class.. sian.. break ends, physic start, recap about secondary school work again.. Read news using laptop in physics lesson, Mechanics starts, listen in class for the first time today.. Class ended felt sad that it's so short and wished that it had continue ><.. Feeling rather good by now and i'm in one of my better moods.. Gone to Dr.Li Ying class, tried receiving files through Heucampus, worked. played song through laptop softly since the lecturer isn't gotta teach.. Then the lecturer suddenly told me to stay back..

She told me : " I'm receiving feedbacks from lecturers that you are talking quite alot in class, It's good that you are outgoing, open to stuffs and a easy person to get along to but for the sake of your study, you should tone down." This sentence alone.. Made me feel in that few seconds, making me really sian, unmotivated and demoralised.. Damn feel so useless and weak that one sentence can cause me to be in that state..

Walked to the interchange with jonathan, shiya and xinhui.. throughout the journey i keep trying to make conversation but it keeps falling apart.. I just couldn't make my mood better.. Say bye to Jonathan at the Mrt station then walked on with the two girls.. Didn't really talk much.. Say bye to them then walk towards the other bus stop to take 86..

Met vic at Amk hub to eat.. throughout the whole time from about 6.30 to 8, i was emoing away inside.. I forced myself to chat with him and to smile and laugh, as i was doing all this.. I felt myself slowly getting to my dark side.. I didn't wanna interact.. I don't wanna talk to anyone.. OMG!!! JOSHUA YOU ARE SUCH A WEAK BASTARD!!!! KNN!!! WEAK SH*T!!!

Went home later as voices in my head had conflicts with each other.. one trying to say my progress in NYP had been great and i should continue on.. The other however was my old voice.. the weak bastard emoing away.. feeling sorry for himself.. Laid on my bed without even changing and meditated.. I was so disrupted in my personal thoughts that i cannot focuses.. Realised that it's useless, i slump to sleep and woke up moments later, having a gaint headache..

Tried listening to smoothing songs to cure it.. Slowly working.. Slowly closed my eyes and meditated.. My mind at that time was finally free of conflict and i'm finally able to look into myself.. Slowly gather myself.. Went to bath, read news on the Internet and saw that china have one confirmed influenza A case then type this long post. Wonder if i will get back to "myself" tomorrow.. lol.

2009-05-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

Today, one of my friend from church suddenly came up to me and ask me when will i start acting my own age!! It got me thinking.. I'm 19 this year, I spend 2 years in ITE purely used to sort emotions out and for play. I spend 4 years in secondary sch being a emo kid whose forever angry for personal reasons. SO.. Let's cut out 16 years of my previous life from secondary sch onwards.

Army awaits me in 2 and a half year time. I have long considered my all my kids years before sec sch as wasted.. Being completely clueless about things and basically sleep a good 12 years of my life away...

Sec sch was a turning point.. my feeling was slowly tied up there and i'm finally becoming more normal then it came, N lvl.. A exam I had never thought about passing.. in fact i planned to go to ITE all the way from the start!! I didn't plan for promotion towards sec 5 N(a).. I planned for two years of rest (funny that it came out of a slacker mouth lol)..

ITE was one of my best years.. My emotions are finally being placed correctly and i gradually stop getting angry for nothing.. however.. I know that my maturity level had fell alot during that fruitful two years.. I did things that are purely retarded, things that a person of my age shouldn't had done.. I'm acting without thinking and I'm completely wayward..

Come to the NYP first few months.. Before going in, I spend three whole months trying to get myself on the correct mindset.. To grow up before going in.. I however onli managed to get it up to a level which i consider is somewhere in my sec 2 level..

Fast forward to today.. I'm still immature.. Doing things which are negative for me proves it.. I'm far from the level which i am at sec 4.. How i act now would seems different towards certain people.. however i'm still me and being immature is still me haha.. After thinking about the time left which i can still have senseless fun which is 2 years, I'm treasuring the time left there for me.. University is a outside thought.. the percentage of me going in is way too far and plans to study master would most likely have to be private, a part time study while i work..

Embrace the time left, the treasure within depends on how you acts and how things had been going though.

Mixed

2009-05-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

Damn suay sia.. Today's class supposed to start at 1010 so i woke up at 8, seeing that i'm still kinda early i decided to lay back to my nice warm bed and slack there for awhile... onli to fall asleep and wake up at 1000... meaning i'm so damn late >< ..

Rushed abit which thanks to my secondary experiences i managed to bath, eat, brush teeth and prepare my bag in just 8 mins flat woot!!! ^^ Rushed down all the way to the bus stop hoping to catch a taxi instead then found out.. bloody hell me.. so darn forgettful that i forgotten my student card!!! ran all the way back home to take the card then rush down yet again..

Juz as i'm about to step out of the lift and run towards the bus stop again my shoe lace broke.. not just for one side but for both!!! zzz.. decided that i have no time to change to the other shoe which will take me abt 5 mins to lace up i ran towards the bus stop yet again, just like what a lousy day should be, there's more trouble ahead.. just as i'm running so close to the bus stop seeing a taxi alighting a passenger.. i fell straight down on a pool of water.. making my whole body wet and well.. go back home change again..

Finally managed to make the trip to the bus stop without any problems i waited for the taxi.. waited and waited... made myself angry over nothing thinking that taxi drivers are always saying they have not enough business when there i stand.. waiting for a taxi with a rather annoyed look carrying a bag that's was made heavy due to the things i had to bring.. sian ..

Finally a taxi came and the trip towards NYP finally started... while in the taxi, although it's onli for like two mins, the taxi driver showed me how a hokkien person can really scold vulgarities.. He picked up his phone on the middle for the trip then suddenly his voice got louder then KNNB CCB and a few other which i dunnoe how to type out came out.. damn power sia >< wasted five bucks, a set of clean clothes and time just because i'm a lazy ares wanting to sleep more.. i learned my lesson lol..

first lesson was mechanics with my self proclaimed "22 years old, best lecturer in the world" lecturer taking over tutorial as Leonard the lecturer in charge of tutorial was sick with flu oO.. he's a great lecturer in the sense that he can make a boring lesson fun.

Came lunch, had some great Malay food at the south canteen then moved over to Shari's group and chat awhile.. seriously she's very open minded.. so open minded that the chat was filled with gays and lesbians, private parts and things that can happen to it and tons of thing you normally will not say in front of a opposite sex..

Came Material science which is bloody boring... kept falling asleep during his lesson.. at least i learn abit and recap lots of sec sch knowledge. Sch finally ended!!! can go home!!! PS naz again.. lol.. he was going to the international chess club's orientation which i didn't sign up for and with that i PS him for the second time.. first time during Monday when i ran away from sprint kataying (Spelling error) and now this.. hiaz.. at least i will be there tmr for the chinese chess and w- chess mah haha..

Walked with Yanhua home with my mindset thinking of losing weight, chat with her all the way till it's somewhere near her house then i walk back home.. reach home, bath then sleep wahhaha!! the great feeling of sleeping lol.. woke up at 1800 to buy new shoes.. the shoe which i brought 3 months ago is now in such a lousy situation that i have to buy a new one to prepare for it's soon to be funeral lol...

Walked thoughout the whole AMK centre finding for shoe.. found about 7 pairs which i truly liked... all 7 have either a size smaller or a size bigger but not my size ><'' .. Walked back to AMK hub where i brough two dry polo at Giordano.. took a bus back home, checked my blog and found yanhua's msg saying i nv add her lol... I DID!!! it's just that you checked too early haha.. checking out now.. bb

2009-05-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 1450 today by a sms from wei zhi asking me to go cycling tmr. shocked that i've slept for over 14 hours!!! damn!! Went out with vic to have lunch.. went our separate ways moments latter. While walking towards my house I keep thinking of nonsenses making myself negative..

This friday makes the end of the second week of poly life and up till now i still i still can't believe i had adapted to poly so far.. Meeting people was never one of my strength and when i have to meet a whole new class of 25 people i feel like walking away quietly like a mouse better to be unseen and unheard.. I came out quite the opposite of what i think i might be..

Poly life seems great and rosy.. Hopes it continue but... nvm.. I'm totally fu*king negative now.. blog next time..

LOVING IT!!!

2009-04-25T05:16:00.000-07:00

Was thinking if i should finish up my "story" from the part one and part two.. Decided. NO!!! decided to postpone it till next time.. or more favourable to me.. completely buried into the depth of my brain!!!

First week of poly is finally over.. tons of information are filing my head up real fast.. something i haven't felt since the secondary days.. turned emo at Thursday and Friday when i was walking the way back home.. felt demoralised that i have already forgotten what i consider the basic of maths and physics..

Thought about going back to secondary school beg teacher to teach me ><>

Felt like a bastard for awhile during the morning of sat.. Thinking that i should have told him.. Then that bastard forgotten to wake up making me go all the way to his house.. the bastard feeling, gone!

The current poly wasn't that new to me since i daydream about it before.. It wasn't a big shock for me but a big surprise.. Maybe it's my classmates whose are all damn nice and cool or maybe it's a level i had never been in before but this class of mine are darn awesome!!! Studying with them makes me feel like pushing myself forward then sinking away when problems came up.

Just for the record.. this post is typed while i'm at Andrew's house.. which is right after two hours of studies.. my mind wondered off and i couldn't get it back lol. well.. he did teach me a few stuff but it appears that what ever he learn is 90% different from what i learn.. zzz.. the main thing he can teach is the physical chemistry..

Well gotta run.. He decided to teach me abit of Inorganic Chemistry. B

Part one of a very very very long post!!!

2009-04-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

Ahhh!!! I'm back WOO!!!! Was in a emo state for a long time.. didn't show to other people by trying to act happy and being really crap in making jokes. Tried my best to be funny and cold jokes came flooding in like bombs in WW2. Finally got back to myself only to turned freaking lazy.

Stay at home sleep like a died pig without even moving.. out of the whole 24 hours, 18 hours was for sleep and 6 was used to either entertaining people whom i treasure as a friend/family etc. etc. or in a form of getting up to eat my one meal per day for that period of time and checking news.

Finally a sub course for poly started without me being prepared.. Was in a state of self deny, held evil thoughts and was bloody lazy as well.. wasn't ready to meet new people in a state which i think is my personal worst.

Thoughout that sub course which was physics, i was emoing away.. Totally not ready to meet new people lah.. letting them see a negative side of me was something i'm not prepared to do.. the effect will just be like year one ITE ><.. damn those days where my mind just floats into the sky and evil thoughts just flows in ><..

sub course ended with me running away after two days with two remaining. Didn't speak a word to anybody in that two days and just purely acted either lifeless or emotionless.. whichever deemed best. Maybe it's the long holiday of 5 months which is acting up on me, but being a rather active person going out almost everyday with different friends, lack of interaction isn't a reason i can use...

Luckily during the same weekend god saved my soul.. I got a invitation from a friend i bonded very well in a BBQ event to a church event at Easter Sunday.

In that Sunday which happens to be the earliest i woke up in like... 6 months? I dragged my body and mind unwillingly towards Puggol where to church is at. Reaching there only to find out that all the people i knew was performing that day and wasn't free to meet and bring me around the church. Walked around the church like a lost devil, getting angrier by the second as time goes by, then a member of the church noticed me and warming welcomed me into the church and at the same time brought me to where to seats are available(all seats at the lower level are taken, only the upper level ones are available which only members of the church knows).

The event which lasted 3 hours moved me, the atmosphere of that church was unbelievable and the things they said was really moving. People from Vietnam who had to hid every sunday when the hold the church because of their government sharing their personal stories makes me feel how free our country is and yet we still ask for more. Meeting up my friend Ting Yu who was the one who invited me after the service and meet up some more people in that church. Talking to them improved my mood greatly and mainly thanks to that, I was more then ready to go to my orientation on the following week tues and wed.

Part two of a bloody long post!!!

2009-04-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Orientation day 1!!! WOOT!!! Reached the school on time onli to see two people standing in the line.. one is my current classmate the other was nearly the first person I talked to.. Was too shy to start any conversation ><... lol... ray shut up.. no need your comment on this. Went to the register counter to register my name and find out which class am I then moved towards the auditorium based at the TOA ( Theaters of the Arts).

Reach there to find myself possibly one of the latest person to arrive. Sat down and stare at the screen, A replay of slide show with music that continues to replay itself after every 16 mins which is the slide show duration. Stayed awake thoughtout the whole welcome talk and show, which is alot better then the monotoned talker at ITE orientation... zzz... Made 75% of the year ones sleep for 2 hours.. zzz... Was then ushered into our proper class.

Met my classmate for the first time although sill keeping slient.. feeling darn shy.. lol.. finally speak when a precision engineering dude came speaking to me LOL!!! I seriously have no idea who that person was and yet he seems to know me quite well!!! shock sia.. i thought i was famous acting like a idiot in my course only!!

Played a game in the first day although i believe that game help alot in my class bonding so quickly, i still think it's lame. Then had a tiny amazing race in the school.. walking from one end of the school to the other end. We were kinda spilted into two groups, the front runners and the back watchers.. lol.. I, surprisingly to myself, was one of the front ones.. lol.. lead by our "leader" whom we sabo since he was the outspoken one lol.. After that we had to do a cheer for our course.. Everyone kept quiet for like.. 5 mins?.. then finally two brave dude finally get the cheer up.. Get the orientation package then run off to taewando..

Don't remember what actually happen at taewando other then me and vic having muscle and joint pains due to our running the day before. went home kinda early then prepare for day two. Was kinda pissed off at first since only the nanotechs and biomec was called to stay for a extended period from 1300 to 1800. Had lunch at NYP's mac then moved off to LTQ-4 where games where held just for us. After I played the games and gone through the lucky draw, I was really thankful to the seniors who organized it just for us.

2009-02-23T00:29:00.000-08:00

It feels like I'm slowly dieing up inside.. Seeing things happens to people around me at a alarming rate and yet i stand there... looking like a complete idiot, not doing anything, looking as though i'm not caring abt it...

I juz can't feel anything at all.. she's being to hospital for the fourth time since the start of feb till now.. abt every time she got send in i juz stood there feeling just so normally..

This kinda feeling.. it feels like I'm not living any longer.. it makes me feels like a living corpse.. Maybe i had became one.. where the laughter and smiles are fake and the sadness and tears don't come.. Gone.. Just like that..

2009-01-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

Gone past these 2 weeks seeing different emotions on people around me.. sadness, angry, happiness and all kinda different feelings... Seeing those 'O' lvl people getting theirs result, surprised and joyful is a emotion which thankfully is something i see with majority of my friends.. sadness and shock.. something which i also saw in a few of my friends.. some due to ite results.. some 'O' lvl..

The worst emotion i saw will be my mother.. the look on her face when my sis is being send to hospital.. that look i haven't saw for the past 4 or 5 years.. it makes me wonder.. i often say that life is a game where those gods look at us for entertainment.. they love to see us struggle.. see how we live when our chips are down and with everything against us.. and it's up to us to show them a good show and struggle our way up all the way to the very top..

I had never ever believed in fate.. i only believed in my strength.. my knowledge and how i used both to get my objective.. and yet... when i saw these thing happens... i wonder.. if there really is fate.. if there's really such a thing what is it controlling?

Is fate controlling everything tat had happened? like a couple coming together or two car crashing onto each other? Or is it like virus? Controlling what type of sickness you will have? Or what some people says.. Fate is when a person gets to know another person whom they had never met b4.. Or is fate something you are trying to archive like what one of my friend said :"I'm never ever going to have a result because it's fate"?

Your life, your control that's what I'm still all about.. So what's "fate" then? A action in God's game to either mess up or spice up your life? Or a escape from reality? Why use the word "fate" when perhaps it's truly your own fault to begin with? Your own fault blame it on your self.. don't blame the heaven the earth and even something which might not even be there..

Or is it tat hard to admit that you did not meet the grade, did something or that's it's your fault? Is it that hard to be truthful to yourself that you have to use "fate" to accept it? Maybe something too good happens to you and you just can't accept it all of a sudden?

Enough of me writting on and on and on and on.. Will write in my next post asap.. lol...b

more chivas!!! MORE!!! WAHAHAH!!!!

2009-01-01T06:20:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

First post in one week which was rushing everywhere for some sorta reasons.. the past events are worth mention but it's so far back i decided not too.. lazy lah.. lol....

31st Dec 2008->last day of 2008!!! WOHHHH!!!!!

Gone to pub today despite afew people deciding to turn their backs on us.. dudes.. if you wanna do tat at least give a warning earlier on ya? anyway.. since the whole group of me, yap, vic and alfred was going to stay till early morning we deicded to ton the night there since that pub is owned by his family while the trio of hiang, aloy and quack went home earlier.. quack.. .thxs huh.. thxs..

The party started nice and slow in a own time own traget pace where you just drink when you wan to till at abt 9 where we decided to have fun and started a punishment game which is bloody gay!!!

The game is blackjack with the rules set as this:
Gay rule No.1: Whoever that is the banker will have to drink the number of loses he gotten.. so let's say the banker have a 17 while all the other have higher amount of points but not busted yet.. and the people count without the banker is 7... the banker will have to drink 7 cups of Chivas as a punishment!!
Gay rule No.2: If the banker gets a blackjack everyone who didn't get a blackjack will have to drink one cup and if the banker have 5 cards combo without busting or if he gets double Ace, we will have to drink 2 cups. If the others get 5 cards, blackjack or double Ace the banker will have to drink the equal amount of drinks as written..
Gay rule No.3: Anyone who got busted will have to drink one cup of Chivas as a punishment unless the banker got busted as well.. which he will then have to drink the number of people playing minus those who got busted as well..
Gay rule No.4: well.. no really a rule but something that's already known.. this game is set in a way where the banker will suffer and the other will be safe.. unless that dude so damn lucky lah..
Rule No.5: The banker will be changed after every set.. so that the chance of somebody getting drunk early in the night will not happen so fast..

So.. with these rules set we started the game which have a lot of cheating and alot of saboing different bankers and i have freaking lousy luck of the damn day.. thst blackjack game dun have the chance of 'running away' if you have a card count of 16 or 15.. which happens to be the count i always get while i'm a banker.. and thus.. this game which ends after me being a banker for 3 rounds and with around 8 people playing per round.. the total punishment i had to take : 18 cups of Chivas which i drank down without mixer.. Adding in the amount of Chivas which i drank earlier which is abt 15+ cups i drank abt 30+ cups of Chivas.. damn smart.. made me feel like i'm walking on air for a whole 30 min.. should had drank less before the punishment game.. X.X

The game ended at 11.30.. so we continue to play some pool at the pool table which is right inside the room we booked!!! nice!!! all this happened while there's another group who shared room with us singing karaoke.. DAMN!!! THOSE LOSER SANG LIKE BANSHEE!!! IN FACT I HEARD BANSHEE SANG BETTER!!! DAMN!! IN FACT WEI ZHI SOUND SO MUCH BETTER THEN THEM!!!! CAN'T SING DUN SING LAH!!!*^&!!*^@!&!!! to give some credit.. there where 5 people out of their whole group of 20 that sang really well.. the others i just hoped throughout the night that the machine will break down.. or better still!! Make them lose their voices!!! Still the wise didn't cam true and we suffer on till abt 3 in the morning where they are tired out and gone home.. ABOUT TIME TOO DAMN IT!!!

We then continue to play pool and drink till noon at new year day... Total count of drink that day.. i drank abt 1/7 of the whole bottle of Chivas.. 3 cups of vodka which was given to me by some dude i was talking to at the pub.. 3 cups of hennessey (spelling) from the same dude, 2 cups of XO free from alfred's mother and 2 cups of martell.. damn... lucky no liver burn.. maybe already have just didn't know..

we left the pub at 12 after alfred's mother woke up and i reached home at abt 1.. bath then falls onto the bed like i haven't slept for days.. however i was woken up one hour ltr because my grandmother came.. chat with her for one hour then goes back to sleep... then my uncle came two hours ltr.. chat with the group of another hour then sleep again... then my auntie came one hour ltr but i was way too far into the dreamland to be woken up again.. very luckily.. update ends here so tata ^^

look.. i know you, my family members and my mother relatives and some of my adult friends, cares since i grew up without a father and with my mother having to give most of her time to my sis.. i appreciate this care and concern you people have for me but i'm able to hold it by myself.. i had been through it for these past 10 or so years and i had already knew how to stand by myself in this cruel world ever since i was still in pri sch.. i know wat's right and wat's wrong and i will nv let history repeat itself nor will i let myself see my closes ones fall in grief ever again!! Just let me have more of that trust you had in me since young and i will show you a result that's great.. let me stand by my own and let those worries flow away so that whenever i see you, you will be having less worry. let me go by my own..

2008-12-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

1-The person who passed you this quiz is.....
Ans: Nessa

2-Your relationship with him/her
Ans: Internet friend

3-Your 5 impression of him / her
Ans: Caring, active, friendly, loves dogs and ray's "free to shoot" target?

4-The most memorable thing she / he has done for you
Ans : Any evil thing she said to ray

5-The most memorable word she / he has said to you
Ans : Wahahah (she said it so many times it's like her only way of laughter.. lol...)

6- If she/he become your lover you will ..
Ans : Be happy? Don't know... Only know her for around one month.. So not that close with her to say anything lah..

7-If she/he become your lover, things he/she should improve on ..
Ans: ... question 6 ans.. thxs...

8-If she become my enemy
Ans: she must be Satan to be my enemy... only one bastard is ever consisted my enemy...

9-If she become my enemy the reason is
Ans : she did things which really harm my family and friends

10- The most desired thing you want to do with her now is..
Ans: no idea..

11-Your overall impression with her is
Ans: Friendly person who is nice to chat around with

12-How do you think people around you will feel about you?
Ans: Comic and manga addict and soccer fan!!! MAN U FOREVER!!!!!

13-The characteristics you love about yourself are..
Ans: I don't really know... Different character used for different people..

14-On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are..
Ans: These few years in ITE, I'm have a very weird temper... need to work on them..

15-The most ideal person you want to be is ?
Ans: God created me to my most prefect liking.

16-For those people that care and like you, say something to them..
Ans: I will always be there for you too.

17-Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you..
1- Abel
2- Andrew Ng
3- Aloy
4- Teng Hwee
5- Ramadan
6- Yan Yan
7- Nessa
8- Ray
9- Victor
10- Siti

18-Who is no. 6 have having a relationship with at the moment?
Ans: No.. It will be interesting if she has..

19-No.9 is a male or female ?
Ans: Male but sometime really wonder isit the correct one or not.. hummm...

20-If No.7 and No.10 having are together,will it be a good thing?
Ans: =.=... i'm open-minded.. but two females together are kinda... weird.. and they don't know each other.

21-How about No.5 and No.8
Ans: =.=... this questionnaire got problems sia.. first two females now two males.. they don't know each other either.

22-What is No.2 Studying ?
Ans: Currently in St.Andrew JC 1st year.

23-What was the last time you had a chat with NO.3?
Ans: 22 December while i was online.

24-What kind of music band does No. 8 like ...
Ans: Any sadist type? lol.. more towards the pop bah..

25-Does No.1 Has any siblings..
Ans: Nope.. only child

26-Will you woo No 3 ?
Ans: No freaky chance in this world!!!

27-How about number 7
Ans: Please read the first ten questions.. thanks ^^

28-Is no 4. single ?
Ans: It's a long time since i asked him private stuff.. he's more concentrated on studying so i will say yes.

29-What is the hobby of NO.5
Ans: He likes fixing up electronic stuff.

30-Do No.5 & No 9 get along well..
Ans: Yes.. Friends for 6 six years already...

31-Where is No.2 study at ?
Ans: ... seriously this thing got problem... He studies at St.Andrew JC at Potong Pasir, Singapore.

32-Say something causally about NO.1
Ans: One of my best friend that I will do anything to help should there be any problems he faces.

33-Have you try developing feeling for No.8 ?
Ans: YES!!! LOTS AND LOTS OF ANGER!!!

34- Where does No.9 live ?
Ans : Ang Mo Kio.. A few blocks away from my house.

35-What does number 4 like ?
Ans: Buying new eletrical things.. Handphones, Ipod, mp3, laptop, psp, ps2 and freaking lots more stuff

36-Are no.5 & no.1 best friend ?
Ans: They had chat before on the phone but don't even know each other face to began with.

37-Does NO.7 like No.2 ?
Ans: They don't know each other.

38-How do you know NO.2?
Ans: Secondary school pal.

39-Does number 1 have a pet ?
Ans: Used to.. Currently no.

40-IS no.7 the sexiest girl in the world..
Ans: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

41-Do you think it possible No.4 & 5 date each other..
Ans: They don't know each other and there's a race gap... However you can never say this kinda things for sure.

42-Say something more about NO 6..
Ans: A rather quiet girl in real life but once you get to know her, she could be a master talker.. lol...

43- What is the relationship between u & NO.9
Ans: Six years friend since secondary school.

44- List all the school that No1.-No.10 are in and originally from and your relationship between him or her :
Ans:
1- Nayang Poly, used to from catholic high pri which is where i get to know him. Best friend
2- St. Andrew JC. Used to be from Yio Chu Kang Secondary school(YCKSS). Get to know him at secondary school. Buddies
3- Nayang Poly, YCKSS as well. Know him from YCKSS as well.. Buddies
4- Cannot say where he's at now. From YCKSS. Friend
5- Just graduated from ITE Dover. From YCKSS as well.. Best friend
6- Just graduated from ITE Balestier. Friend
7- Deyi. Internet chat friend
8- Just graduated from ITE Balestier. Somewhat close friend.
9- Just graduated from ITE balestier, used to be from YCKSS. Knew him from YCKSS. Close Friend.
10- Ngee Ann Poly, used to be from YCKSS. Knew her from YCKSS band. Close friend from band

45-What will you do if No.10 hate me
Ans : Heartbroken.. we are friends for so long already and it hurts for any od my friend to suddenly say they hate me.

46- Which of the following are in a relationship?
Ans : I will only write those that I'm sure of... Which will comes up to a nice number.. NONE!

47-How do you first met NO.3
Ans : From secondary school.. Where his first thought of me is a gangster and my first thought for him is that he's a uptight nerd o.O

48- How would your reaction if No.3 and No.10 are together...
Ans: They know each other so it will not be much surprise althought there is that race and religion gap but when you are in love there's no gap blocking you...

2008-12-19T07:50:00.000-08:00

After months of laziness there are a 'few' number of people not happy with me and decided to spam me to protest.. lol.. This will be a update for yesterday's event and of course today's event.

19 December,2008

Was supposed to meet Hiang Ming @1400 in Yio Chu Kang Mrt station but i woke up at around 1330 hour lol.. First thing to do was to call victor that lazy loser and he didn't even know that we are going to gym at that time!

Kinda lucky since Hiang Ming was also late.. We both reached there at about 1415 and reached the YCK gym at 1420+.. Vic reach the place at around 1445.. zzz.. Worked out till around 1630 when a job agency which i had called around 2 days ago told me that they had found some work for me as cashier at giant and they wish to have a interview with me at 22 December,2008 1400^^ LUCKY!!!

We then departed to eat some lunch plus dinner plus breakfast.. since none of us had ate any of those yet and we started to talk abt any random stuff under the clear blue sky before we departed for our own journey with vic and hiang ming departing for home while I wait for Gary and gang at YCK Mrt Station again to play some soccer at NYP.

Met them at about 1720+ and we soon go on towards NYP, talking crap as we move towards NYP. Reached there and soon.. my left leg gave way again.. THE BLOODY SECOND TIME IN THIS FREAKING MONTH THAT MY LEFT LEG HAD GIVEN UP ON ME!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Thxs to my mixed up luck i will not be able to walk properly again for the next 4 or 5 days cancelling all the plans i had already made in store and will most likely spend my birthday looking at that damn leg thinking abt the fun that i'm supposed to be having instead of sitting at home looking at the laptop screen which I'm starting to get really bored of.. How unlucky can a guy really be? I mean to have sprain it twice in a month is seriously sh*t..

18 December 2008

Met up Ray and Yan Yan at AMK hub at around 1700 with vic going out with his other friends instead of us.... WARHHH!! Didn't know why Yan Yan suddenly decided to ask us out in the first place..

We went to have Pizza hut which cause a nice $26 hole right in my wallet and a stomach so full that i didn't think i can stuff anymore thing down.. Amazing to see how ray can freaking stuff one whole slice of pizza into his mouth and eating it up like it's nth at all... Damn! His mouth is freaking BIG lah!!! monster sia..

Anyway the reason Yan yan called us out was suppose to be a early birthday party for me.. well.. form what i heard form ray anyway.. I will take this chance to thxs both of you right here for blowing $26 each person for the pizza and a unknown amount of cash for the present Thxs alot ^^!! Ray.. A present outlook doesn't mean a thing.. it's the thought that counts.

2008-12-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

Over 12 days and 6 months before a new post came in!! WOW!!! well.. i was too damn lazy to post lah huh..
got so many stuff to do, so many places to go.. well.. enough abt this used to be dead blog.. let us go to the newer things ya?? ^^

12 December 2008
Well.. it's supposed to be the last BBQ for the ITE balestier photography club which consisted 90% of my own classmates and friends and 10% other dude..
Make that out to actual number.. that will be 9 people from our own group and one outcast! o.O

I made my way down to Ray's house about an hour earlier then the rest so that i can be his ' food tester'.. so i carried a cool box which i'm too tall to wheel around with the chicken wing and satay inside it to ray's place..

DAMN!! i should had waited for another half an hour.. the rest were late for like one hour.. so i sat at his house for two hour without anything to do but sit and play psp. ^^With luck helping us, the "outcast"'s father came to bring us over to the BBQ area..

Ok lah.. i'm being a bastard here.. that 'outcast' name is Jun Hao and he himself is actually a nice guy who although is somewhat quiet at times but is friendly. So his father drove me to sembawang MRT so that i can bring yan yan and yi yun to the BBQ pit..

AMAZING LAH!! I who have no idea how to go to the bbq pit and have no idea where the park is managed to get to that place without getting lost while Ray and the dudes in the cars was lost somewhere like 2km away form our BBQ pits!! lol.. so the gals and i went to their help straight away and the rest as they say are history..

While you are having fun, the time pasts quickly and it's just like in that manner our BBQ goes by.. those that had to leave with BF went.. soon those good gals that need to be in the bed early also went (well.. at least one of them are lah huh.. the other one.. ... ... ) o.O.. and soon the 5 boys, Me, Ray, Zhi, Vic and Jun Hao was left.. deciding that Jun Hao's car will not be able to contain us in, we separate from Jun Hao and took a cab back.

Time went past so fast.. it seems like it was just yesterday that i decided to go to ITE instead of sec 5.. those two years in ITE that seems to had fly pass.. I can't help but wonder.. how many of the friends in ITE are still going to be in contact with each another?

While many of the people in ITE still have unknown fate due to the unknown result, some had already chosen to go NS while some decided enough is enough. Those friends that are parting away.. To NS, poly, higher nitec or the working area.. will we still be in contact? throughout the two years.. making fun out of each others.. doing dumb things that we shouldn't be doing.. are you people still gonna remember or just forget it like it's just a page out of a story book you are waiting for the correct time to throw away?

The countdown to the so-called "last supper".. The day of our graduation at Feb..what might be the last dinner we would sit together for the last time... joking around.. talking to each other and making a fool out of each other for perhaps the very last time?

Will it be the final time I see these people who had painted colours over my otherwise miserable colourless life? Or will friendship last? like most of my great friends from sec sch and that one person frm pri sch that are still tolerating my weird temper? Guess only time will tell.. but one thing is for sure.. even if the result day comes and it shows that i can't make it to poly.. i know for sure that i will never regretted that day on my birthday.. that i chose to go to ITE instead of Sec 5.. that day which in turns makes me into a photographer and at the same time opening so many doors in life that i had never thought exist.

boring boring days

2008-07-07T01:42:00.000-07:00

Finally the sch term started.. and like all times always it was a pure waste of time and money..

Woke up at 6.20 and went on to wake vic up. Reach Amk Hub at 7.10 to met Ray and met up with Zhi at 7.20 to eat breakfast at burger king.. Class started at 8.10 where the teacher onli explain the timetable.. Slacked till 9.30 before me, zhi, ray, vic and yan yan took off to vivo..

While over there, Vic decided to buy a fake bug to scare the girls in our class.. Walked around till 11.30 before having our lunch where we got 4 set of small fries and 2 sets of coleslaw free!!

After lunch we walked around till abt 12.30 before we made our way back to boon keng where it was raining cats and dogs.. soon meet up with the whole of our class-1 which actually care to come today.. Called the teacher to cancel the class but was rejected..zzz... Go there listen to something everyone most likely had already knew long ago before dismissing the class after juz 1 hr of random talking by the teacher...

Reached home and downloaded Visual Basic and VC# so that i can try out those programs by fun... going to end my com usage for today by writing this over 1 month 1st post..

THIS BLOG IS OFFICALLY DEAD TILL....

2008-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

I really wanna say that and for now i will really go on to do that. This update will be the last you see till June 2008 so yar.. sorry for now ^^.
Friday- After school i juz go stright to the bath and after finishing i immediatly drop onto the bed and sleep all the way till 4.30 where i go on to meet aloy to help him find some funfair's prizes. That goes all the way till 7 where i rush on to meet my mother because i promised her to go to her cell group.

Met her at abt 7.45 at bishan and began to walk towards her cell group place... Left early at abt 8.15 to meet up with mr.Sim at the hoptel he was staying at. Took a few photograhy and left at abt 11. Reach home at 11.45 and played afew games at hamachi together with aloy.

Sat- Slept all the way till 4 in the afternoon and even after waking up, i juz stayed laying on the bed and slack all the way till 4.30 where i rush down to have my hair cut, get a bath and rush to get all my things in proper before my cousin reached my place and left together to get to Expo for a uncle's wedding. That uncle is someone which i've nv met beofore and worse still.. i've nv thought he had even lived! The wedding goes all the way till 11 and made it home at abt 12 and played a few games before sleeping..

Sun- Was awoke by the ringing of my phone at 8.15 before again rushing to take a bath and packing up my camara and all it's stuff before rushing, again, to meet aloy for the funfair at 8.30. it's a rather big event although there wasn't much photo to take so most of the time i was juz being a helper to aloy's store.

left the funfair at 1 to go to church. reach the church at 1.30 and stayed there till 2.30 where i made my way down to YCK to meet aloy before leaving together again to the funfair place where it was at it's peak and was full of people. the funfair ended at 8 and we stayed on due to the debrief which goes on till 9 +. My deepest apologies to everyone whom i had promised to go and yet didn't due to the things i had one.

Ans so at this point... i shall say gd bye till somewhere at june where this blog will come back to life again. For now... THIS BLOG IS OFFICALLY DEAD!

bonieee!!!

2008-04-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

How i miss the the days where i can run around and do dumb things all day long.. i thxs god that my leg wasn't in a total wrack where my leg would had to be wrapped around with a dumb cast..

Monday- went to TTSH with my mother to check if i need a cast or not..i reach there around 2 Pm and they happily let me wait all the way till 5.30PM... for me it's ok lah... but my mother was the one that i feel really guilty upon..

having to made her wait with me all the way and getting worry.. feel damn bad abt that.. meeting the doctor and having him say that it's not the old injury but juz a hair line crack was a relief man..

and so it came up to today where i will nt be able to hit a soccer ball with my right leg for the next two months and will nt be able to walk fast fot the next two weeks..

today- tried my first offical day with a crack bone without a cast!!! IT'S DAMN BORING!!! it's juz one week after my three weeks of ITE hoilday and now i got another three days of hoilday!! WOW!! gone around the day playing ps2 and computer till i'm so bored with it i juz wanna go back to sch tommorow man.. zzz...

since i'm so bored.. the update of my blog will be done.. like the links that are dead will be fix and new links will be added.. so now that's all ... b

BROKEN!!! YET AGAIN!!!!

2008-04-20T05:50:00.000-07:00

ei.. before u think u broke a record or something, i didn't.. it juz purely mean broke.. broke what? broke my bone lah.. zzz... seriously very, very ,very suay man and it came juz when my luck was turning for the better..

well.. it shall start from Friday.. Friday after school, me and Ray gone to the "All saint"funeral service to offer our own photography service for the dead.. before u think it purely sadist to take photo of them, it wasn't because i think that having their photos turn me on.. it juz that i think that when a person dies, the people he/she left back here shouldn't juz be sad but think about the things that he/she had done for that person.. and having the person's last memory saved right in a photo is the best way of remembering them..

With the fact that the director of the "All Saint" loved our idea and mostly also our courage and thrus a deal waiting to be finalise awaits as both me and Ray consider the offer to work hand in hand with the director.

Saturday.. the day where i was rushing all around the place.. the day begins right at 7.30 Am with Aloysius waking me up with his sms to wake me up.. met him at abt 8 and reach the old folks home at abt 8.30.. and as usual yao rong provides all the laugh throughout the whole ride and he isn't even there!! WOW!!! ok.. he was there lah.. as both me and aloy remembers the times in sec school.. ah.. great jokes man...

The visit to the old folks home was totally refreshing.. hearing why some of the old folks decided themselves to stay there or why some of them was forced there.. all the stories some old folks told me like when they was young wat they had done and their other memories.. it's really worth it to go there and help out.. and i will even amit that at first i had some thoughts about not going at all but that thought has now changed.

Now... it comes to this very day.. this luckless day.. i woke up at about 11.30Am to go play soccer.. and as usual gray they all was late again.. once they came we goes straight away to the street soccer pitch and starts afew warm up shots around and immediately at the first shot which when i get myself ready to saved, jumped and fell at the wrong position and that's it.. my leg had suffered a crack.. right at the same spot where i was injured in sec one..

I continued to play on since the pain stop and Dennis shot on shot towards my important point and again i was out injured for the next 2 mins.. and no.. he didn't hit on target.. he missed.. it's somewhere near the stomach area which he hit.. the next shot from some unknown opponent hit me right at the chest area and caused me to have trouble breathing for a few sec..

after going home my mother took me to the chinese physician where he say that before it's 12 hours after the injury he cannot do anything to it.. zzz..took a x-ray and so there's a crack over the same place.. so now i has one free day off from sch tommorow.. zzz...

the day contiues with the fact that i now have minor fever, a real bad flu where the water keeps dropping and a very very sore throat.. and as i type this there is another 2 and a half hour before this dreadful day is gone.. and this dreadful day is my elder sis brithday.. well.. will go eat now.. b

WAH!!!

2008-04-11T04:57:00.001-07:00

this post was supposed to be posted at Wednesday night.. but because of the job plus the day before play game nv slp so ended up later.. it's also since that my dear laptop charger finally died on my ten hours per day usage of laptop which caused me to be on the brink of total boredom with nth to do..

Tue- nv sleep throughout the night because i were :1) storing pictures of the chalet juz recently into cds for hui xian, hui hui, raven and a few others which "might" take from me.. or u can juz say that those are purely extras copies lah.. 2) preparing my cam for the next day.. forgotten all about charging the battery and clearing the memory cards.. after that go out to eat sakura with Abel, my pri sch friend at abt 12 like that... wah eat until damn full lah.. the food there okok lah.. but damn weird lah.. got chinese food together with the japenese food.. then abt 3 meet up vic to go buy some ps2 games follow by rushing to shargoon to meet baka Raymond for the Sean Kingston event thingy at Minstry of Sound..

our job for that event is mainly to take photos around till Sean Kingston arrives then we will contiue to go there and take photos of him singing and stuffs like that and our paid hours are between 5.30-7.30... guess what.. Sean Kingston came at 7.50+ and started singing at abt 8.15.. and since WE ARE supposed to take at least one of his photo we decided to stay on all the way till he stopped singing at abt 9.. the song he sang were:"take you there" and "beautiful girl"(wat else..) and i think two other song which i have totally no idea wat is it nor did i really cared lah.. plus u see Sean Kington on TV before? he seems kinda fat and short right? well.. in real life he is freaking tall (i think abt 2m?) and also freaking big size(abt two times my size).. plus he is suppose to be a 18 years old O.o...

after the event gone to meet up my cousin to eat dinner together.. come back too sleepy to care abt the photos at that event and gone to slp.. Wed night- nth to write about the day since i juz slp though the whole day.. the onli thing that is good to write will be that my battery died on me.. and before ray start to kp me again.. this post is written on my desktop.. b

Dark... so dark.. it's juz so dark...

2008-03-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Met up with Raymond today to buy my camera bag, finally brought a good bag.. A Lowepro stealth reporter D400 AW.. Not the bag i wanted first but still it's a great bag, not to mention it's a bigger than the D300 AW. After buying the bag went on to meet up with Mr.Sim for the fashion show at Bishan which is kinda a hard show to take. Too much background that causes problems. zzz... After the show gone with Mr.Sim and ray for a break and chat up abt photography stuffs...

Reach home, play game for a while when i suddenly decided to ask my mother abt my father's side family history.. a history that thought i already knew a long time ago but still not a completed knowledge of it. This request had been asked for hundreds of times and similarly been refused all the times with all the time the reason being that she dun wan to destroy any faith or good thought i might retained for my father and that i might not be able to handle the truth being slap right into my face...

However for some reason she backed down today.. My mother finally decided to tell me every truth and detail of my father's side family.. form 11 plus p.m we speak all the way till 2.35am, the feeling of having yr whole memory dug out, refreshed, add in new info and then rerun was already something hard enough to take in while having a straight face of no emotions, then the hard truth of all my father's actions, his side of family responses, the things they all done before and lastly the final action that caused my mum to divorce him.. it all gone slamming towards my head and that kind of feeling of being throwed down a cliff repeatly for that whole 3 hours...

I'm already used to hating my father.. it's no new thing for me.. but with the lastest facts all suddenly pushed right into my brain, i juz can't seems to take it in.. the words from my mother for the whole 3 hour plus seems to be running though my head like a CD on repeat mode.. the facts of it all is juz too much for me.. i used to thought of my father like he is the devil.... but after my mother's story.. the past thought of my father now seems like a pure hearted angel.. maybe the years of my family problems had finally taken it's toll on me.. maybe i juz can't take it any longer... till the day i'm finally over this.. bye

Yawnz....

2008-03-25T11:56:00.001-07:00

YEAH!!! finally school holiday for 3 whole weeks!! WOHH!!! NO MORE EUNOS!!! sounds nice huh... those o lvl dudes who had been living though their whole 3 months or so holiday will noe tat this sux..

juz barely half a week into the holiday and i'm feeling all bored up and nth to do at all.. the laziness that i usually have in my body juz sapped away and i feel so bored and out of activity to do.. tried finding work but for some reason all the companies decided to go for the full timers and not the part timers any longer.. packer are all out and clerks are worse.. not one ad in the whole classified.. mushrooms and ork trees are now starting to grow on my head again juz like the previous december holiday..

speaking of jobs.. i do had one together with raymond.. one day/night.. a photograhy job at M.O.S.. but the person tat hired us haven't even tell us the time or even the date for it.. crossing my finger hoping it's soon man.. plus tat ray very "auto" sia.. got job interview at sentosa nv ask me and vic go.. sobsob..

so anyone who have any info abt open job spaces that needs part time working pls tell me.. i dun wan to rot at home and grow mushrooms.. bb

BUSTED... sian...

2008-03-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

yo.. i'm finally back WAHAHAHA!!! dun worry man.. with a slight and rare chance u might suddenly see this blog come back to life again ^^..
today kinda normal lah.. see Raymond suffer in pain due to his back problem, make fun of yao rong through the phone with vic, forgot to go fujiflim take back cam, have someone tat i didn't see give me $50 (^^ this weeks lots of money ^^) and finally end it up with the best part of it.. spend $50 all on MANGA!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! But i not so siao till really spend $50 on manga lah.. i drag victor along with me and so the total is Me:$38.80, Vic:$18.. so we can get the special $50 30% discount on Tenchi ^^
First book: Full Metal Panic #3
Second and third: Chrome Breaker #1,2
Fourth : Omamori Himari #1
Fifth book : Galaxy Angel #1
The above books all are brought at Tenchi.. one last book was brought at the "auntie" shop : The gangster and the four eyed gal. So total up is well... $44.30!!! WAHAHAHA kk... gtg.. tommorow got test and need to prepare to go take camara from fuji before getting scold by Mr.sim.. bb

lalala

2008-01-30T09:19:00.000-08:00

yo... i noe very nice huh... my blog the best right? seen it once next month juz come back see one more time can le nt so ma fan right??

ya lah ya lah... that Raymond's blog is properly the only blog alive in my "ite" group's blog.. but hey!! at least i better than come golden hair singing manic 's blog mah.. i at least so far if my com is properly working that is, got update at least onces per month lei..

nt that i dun wan update lah.. but the holidays and the starting of school have been too bo liao to write in... plus there are a few things that i could write but.. cannot say out lah... too private.. might die if seen... so a dead blog or a dead body... hum... i prefer dead blog huh thxs...

woow!!! raymond that dumb ass finally got is A700!!! Congrates huh... dunnoe one dumb ass back got problem still wan go work then still say the working there is upsetting.. and if u still wanna say abt yr dear little a700 i can always say my dear wide angle or my dear zoom lenses!!!WAAHAHAHAH!!!!

for some of my o lvl friends dudes... dun get too emotional abt it man.. it's juz one exam.. all u need to do is find a correct path n hey! u will find yrself to be more seccessful then those who used to be "higher" then u...

that all.. post again at somewhere near new year bah... b

FINALLY!!! I'm 17!!!!

2007-12-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

WOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm FINALLY 17!!!!! zzz... i'm damn bo liao lah... 12+ midnight nth to do watch drama shows.. anyway... saturday finally going to get my sony a100!! sortof a brithday gift frm my mum.. a loan frm my mother for the cam..lol...

throughout the whole holidays like damn bo liao sia.. nt like ray or wei kiat.. one go malaysia for almost the whole month while the others go spain for the whole month.... sometimes dunnoe is have holidays is better or without it is better... damn bored even when i'm writting my blog.. oh well.. gtg.. b

YO!!!! I"M BACK!!!

2007-12-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

Actually... Nth changed... say nicely is because too bz with test, exam, cca, camara, family and stuff like tat lah.. i will be typing till the next new year if i contiue my excuses... say badly and trutfully... it's pure and simple laziness... i mean come on lah... the days juz seems so slow and relax... nth like the first six months this years where it's more fast and active..

Next week last exam.. like usual... the exam feeling is juz nt there... until mr.sim say tat i better work harder then tat feeling of exam which i lost since primary school time came back and strike fear into me...-.-... lame i noe... but it's juz tat the whole day i'm actually thinking abt the stuff tat i learned these few weeks in revision and stuggle and force my brain to remember the stuff i learned in this past five months, i mean i was not even one percent this hardworking during my PSLE or 'N' lvl lah... amazing how juz one sentence could change a whole person way of working...

now tat the o lvl dudes are out, i also go out more often lah.. because they asked me out wat... but it's also because more into photograhy now.. aiming to be good enough to work in tat line as a small part timer... but thrust me in this.. dun be dumb like me n ray and decide tat 4.40 in the afternoon is still early enough for us to walk frm bukit timah hill to upper tomson road... but no pain no gain man... the pain is walking through the dark till 8 plus where we finally reach the upper tomson road.. leg damn tired lah,... the gain is tat i get to see something u dun see everyday... raymond getting chased by a pack of monkeys!!!!! WOOOHH!!!! too bad i didn't set my cam up in time lah.,. sad...

nt going then stay at home think abt possible things or juz for fun lah.. like wat if life is a game where u can choose to restart it up when u fall into a bad situation?? this topic had been in my head since my sec one time.. i mean like.. how nice man... if u can juz restart it like the sim2 or games like tat.. and the choice u made over the time will still be in yr mind so tat u will nt make the same mistake.. i mean really.. who would nt wan this?? over the years i think n at first when i join secondary school.. i really wan this kinda thing.. but after life goes on longer and i met people who changes my life for the better like Ramadan, Yao Rong, Teng Hwee, Raymond(for teaching me the perfect Emo way.. no lah.. just kidding), derrick yap, Ms.Soo and lots of others which i juz can't stuff into this page.. i get that kinda feeling where i juz wan life as it is because as i goes on with these guys i noe tat now so far is the best time of my life.. dunnoe if when adult still so nice anot lah.. most likly not.. tat's y wanna die before adult.. if onli it's something god wants and not something tat i will force into.. well... kinda lots of stuff... most likly the best sleepy story i ever written in this blog.. so long.. b

BLOGGING AGAIN!!! WOHHH!!!!

2007-11-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

YOYO!!!! Gt one month plus nv blog or even bother to see and check my blog le... Damn surprise tat i can forget abt it for so long ^^.. Since the past month which includes the re-starting of the school which i needed one week plus to get back to sleeping early at 2 in the morning and waking up early at 8... Holiday's timing were sleeping at 6 in the morning and waking up at 2 or 3... damn sian...

While at tat i continued to watch Bleach from 89 onwards to the latest 146, started watching Amaenaideyo!! and it's series two: Amaenaideyo!! Katsu!! also watched Karin and Overdrive.. Tat few Anime kept me bz for the next one week while the long awaited return of my ps2 frm tat Darrick (dog) also came last week... the return of the ps2 and it's games kept me bz till now.. -.-...

Now some dumb exam and test gonna come soon and those sec 5 and 4 dudes are gonna come disturb me while they enjoy their next long holidays... comics stacking up in the comics shop waiting for me to buy them back and cousin asking to stay over at my place... -.-.... wow.. how "exciting"... anyway... still got one month plus before i can search for a new job tat works daily and offers higher pay like a packer or mover.. raymond... shut the damn changi joke for i will stuff my whole set of arrows without the cover right up where u kanna at friday ;)
tat's all for now.. till next free day.. b

GG

2007-10-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

wahh.. the ending days of the second week of the holiday have been kinda fun man.. at least i'm nt staring at the com screen as often as my first week!!!! Woohoo!!
yesterday i met up with the ITE group of friends as we planned to ctach a movie and play an hour or two of pool... since wei xiang n yan yan dun wanna go out, hong bin completely forgotten by us when we were planning and chiong yao uncontactable, 5 out of the normal 9 gone for it instead.. wei zhi got fencing so me, vic, ray and eliane goes for the movie but sian man.. all the movie is either watched before le or is M18..
decided to go for lunch first followed by pool.. met wei zhi at PS before going to snookerium for pool!! played for two hours with my record 6 wins 4 loses.. man.. I'VE IMPROVED!!! WOHH!!! nice man.. but mostly because it was being played against a fellow noob..
today.. woke up at 11... with my cousin shouting in my ears to get my lazy ass up.. gone to castle green where the soccer game with my secondary school friends would be played at around 12.45... reach there at 1.. met some people whom i thought would not come or had nv came before there.. people like lin leng, sanjay, derek yap and hiang ming.. played one of my best games so far!! wooohooo!!! retaining my position as a goalkeeper which i always had played, i only let in one goal out of the five games i played in.. mostly have to thxs the defender which helped me lots..
after the match, li tian, who is staying at derek yap place for o lvl study, derek yap and me go back to derek yap place... gone there juz to take back my things and also help him download afew GBA games.. gone back at around 9 and reached home at 9.30..
came back, sit back, relax, watch anime, read news and blog.. end of the week of actions.. gonna go slp.. tomorrow muz wake up early to buy newspaper before they get snatch by others first.. b

boring holidays..zzz...

2007-10-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

FIRST UPDATE FOR THE WEEK!!! WOHHH!!
although dun really have much to update lah.. holiday mah... only slp, eat, play and sometime go out buy abit of things or go library borrow a few books to read.. so i will juz summarise my mon- wed happening into this post...
Monday- slept at 7 in the morning, played games throughout the whole night hehe... woke up at 11 due to those people drilling downstairs got really irritated by that... decided to help my mother buy things at NTUC.. reached there at 11.30 and got out of there at around 12.30.. brought damn lots of things man.. hand pain ar..reached home at 1 only to remember that Derrick Yap and Li Tian wanted to come over to do o lvl revision..
Met those two at S11 Ang Mo Kio, brought the frist volume of "Shakugen No Shana" the comic book and Shaman King volume 29.. the day then ended with them leaving at around 7 and me sleeping right after they left..
Tuesday- this day is pure crap.. i woke up at 4 in the afternoon, played and watched anime till 9 plus when raymond asked me abt things for the group outing on friday.. talked to him till around 9.30 then chat with him at msn frm 9.45 till around 11.. ended with me sleeping at around 6 in the morning.
Wenesday, TODAY!!!- gone back to school to take charger with tat lazy ass victor too lazy to come out so he asked me to help him take.. reached school at around 10.20 LATE!! damn.. but Mr.Sim still around.. so called him and he came to lab 4 to open the door but what u noe.. tat bloody sting Ray gave me the wrong info saying tat i can take the charger for the camara but nvm.. forgive and forget.. hehe
Stayed around and asked Mr.Sim about the changing of A.S.M function in the cam and also abt which cam is gd for a begginer like me.. He said D70.. nice is nice but the cam costed $1,100 plus.. damn expensive man.. guess i will have to work for it.. He told me to buy the cam at a website called clubsnap.. saying that it will be cheaper over there.. hum... gone to ntuc after i reached AMK.. brought 3 packets of chips, one bar of 70% cocoa chocolate, six cans of Pocari Sweat and two packets of shushi for lunch... reached home sleep till 8 and came to blog!! haha.. tommorow still have to return school to return the camara.. so tat's all.. wanna watch anime le.. b

aka no sejiaku

2007-09-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

The lyric of my blog song: aka no sejiaku (Crimson Silence)
me wo tojite kanjiru kodou
mogaiteru kiri no naka jibun no basho sagashite iru
yamikumo ni kyou mo zutto

itami no nai sekai nante nai yo
tada furetai mamoritai dake
akaku somaru yuugure wo mitsumeru

Just look how beautiful is world
itsuka miteta yume wa tooku mabushisugite
chotto hazukashii kedo
guuzen ja nai kono deai de chigau jibun mitsuketa kara
atarashii ashita wo mukaeyou

nanigenai kotoba hitotsu sore ga sadame ni naru
mune ni sotto himeta mono wa sore wo shinjiru tsuyosa

ichibanboshi negai wo sotto inoru
honoo no you ni akaku akaku irozuku sora
subete tsutsumu yasashiku

Don't shut the light out of your life
yoru ga kitara yami no naka ni nomikomaresou
dakara kao wo agete
nagareteru kumo tsukiakari ni mieru
soshite sono yokogao nukumori kanjite
asa ga kuru

yoake no oto ga kikoete kuru nagai fuyu wa mou owatta
akaku shizuka na toki
guuzen ja nai kono deai de tsuyoi kizuna mitsuketa kara
atarashii ashita wo mukaeyou

N here's the english translation:
When I close my eyes, I feel the loneliness
That starts to cloud me from all that I know
I'm trying to find out if there's a place for me
As the darkness follows me along

There isn't a world where you will go through life without pain
I just want to hold you and to be with you
But the skies above me seem to be dyed in
The purest red

Just look how beautiful is world
Someday I know you'll see that your beautiful dreams will shine among the dark
Embarrassed as I am to say this
It's not a coincidence that we met each other that I found a new me that I had never known
I hope to see you here with me when tomorrow comes

I do not believe that just a simple word could change the destinies that lie ahead
Except for what's within that makes us who we are that's the only thing I do believe
When the night has fallen I will wish upon the brightest star
The colour of my sky is tainted purely red
It circles all around me lulling me into a gentle dream

Don't shut the light out of your life
When the darkness surrounds you will need it to find your way into the dawn
So raise your head high and hold on
And when the clouds start to part and the moon shines on you
All the warmth that's within will keep you safe and strong
I'm sure you'll see and will believe tomorrow will come

You'll hear the sound of the dawn ringing into your ears
And it's telling you softly that your winter has end
And the red silence shall come over
It's not a coincidence that we met each other that I found my destiny right there next to you
Let's greet the day together forever when tomorrow comes

Gone Shopping!!!! wohh!!!!

2007-09-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

Can't believe tat i did wat i hated the most today.. shopping... those crowed places where u have to squeeze yr way pass so u can move forward a few steps.. man .. i hate shopping!!!

But today, i did something tat i thought i will nv do by myself.... going to three different shopping areas juz so i can buy something..

On Friday, due to the fact tat there was no school, i surfed 12 hours of Internet for different anime and i came across this anime called "shakugen no shana" which at the same time i decided to buy tat anime which have two boxes..

So today i took out $50 and went to AMK hoping to find and buy it.. damn sian lah.. walked throughout the whole AMK centre and i still can't find tat damn box!!! ARRR>...<

Nearly regretted my idea for going there.. so damn crowed lah....some more have a bloody food fair there which caused J8 to be even more crowed than usual.. v.v

got even more disappointed after i seached and asked four different CD shops for "Shakugen No Shana" and all said no.. but luckily.. the last shop.. comic collection have it!!!! only tat they only had the first box.. so tat means i will have to search for the second box next time again.. zzz...

reached home after searching the three areas for 5 hours.. on the com n started blogging abt this thingy.. o well.. gotta go watch my anime.. here's a pic of the main female lead..

2007-09-19T12:06:00.001-07:00

How Old You Act: 87

You're a bit of an oddball, but I can't say that that's a bad thing. You think clearly, and you may be a little more involved in life that takes place in an age group older that yourself, and have friends from an older generation as well.

How Old Do You Act?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

i'm so old inside... oh well...

2007-09-19T11:54:00.001-07:00

How violent are you.. Your Result: Risque You take your chances, you don't care if your actions seem immoral. You do what you gotta do when something pisses you off. Try and keep your temper in check.
Antisocial
Ice Cold Killer
Edgy
Chilled out
How violent are you..

2007-09-19T11:33:00.001-07:00

You are 64% Emo. Ha Ha!

Needs a Hobby.

OK, so you just got dumped, that doesn't mean you gotta act like life sux. Get it together and try a little harder from now on okay? Thanks...

How Emo Are You
Quizzes for MySpace

nt the real score.. the real score is something too high for me...

2007-09-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Probability of killing, 60%

You have probably seen death. You watch too many horror flicks, play too much violent videogames, or probably exposed to death by where you live. or maybe you have lots of problems with enemies or have little self-esteem. The factors add up that you need to avoid situations or people that could push you to that point.

Are you capable of killing

zero comments...

... kinda sad to get this result...

2007-09-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

man.. I know English is my better subject but this is too much...

v.v

2007-09-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

started the day damn lousily by oversleeping.. late for class by ten mins for so.. but since this is ite the teacher also dun really give a damn what time u reach..
go through a short revision ending with me asking if i can change courses or take part time courses.. got this feeling tat electronics isn't gonna take me very far with my marks in maths...zzz... maybe a part time course in amk ite for digital animation will help me more.. humm...
after class ended i FINALLY passed my bow to Pauline.. zzz.. was postponed since last week Friday till today .. lol.. then walked to boon keng to take bus home with chong yao and yan yan..
while walking there, this Hong Kong woman called me on e phone and asked me to attend some event set up by some Hong Kong company at orchard..zzz... she asked me to copy down some weird password so i can go in.. when i asked her how she get my hp no. she juz start talking some nonsense abt the history of the company and so on.. wat sort of bloody scam is this man... wan to scam also use a smarter way mah... scam until so obvious...
now still have to study for tommorow's test.. sian.. should be quite easy bah.. if i study for it tat is.. lol...
i guess i'm going to watch anime now.. b

NEW WIFE!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

2007-09-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

WAHAHAHAHAH!!! after coming to terms tat my old "wife" the NEC laptop died with all my important programs and files still inside, i've finally found a new com to take over the dead!!! the acer travelmate 5710!!! WAHAHAHA!!!

today after school ended prematurely at 11 plus i took 130 since it was raining..zzz.. then on e way i remembered tat my mother nt working today so ask her down to amk hub to shop.. once i reach there i remember tat a new laptop comes out today so we went down to courts and brought this laptop.. it's cost me $1,800 since i decided to sign a three year warranty plan..tat means no more free spending for me now on...

due to it been release juz today in Singapore, there isn't any pics available for me to download yet..zzz

the gd things about this lappy is tat it comes with five card readers, one bluetooth, one web cam and a ATI graphic card installed.. the bad things is tat it's damn big( around 1.5x my old laptop), it comes with window vista, and the first three gd things are common thing installed in laptop theses days..zzz.. but since it's cheap.. there's no complain lah.. but since the screen is so big.. it gonna be damn nice to watch anime frm now on!!! wahahah!!! no more lonely comless days for me!!! but damn it man.. it must come with the stupid vista...zzz
oh well.. life's nt prefect.. gtg download application now.. b

kiss because i'm a girl 2

2007-09-10T05:59:00.001-07:00

imeem's video is giving me hell a lot of problems lah.. zzz.. so here's my fourth try to get tis vid up.. pls tag if u cannot see it.. thxs.. n for my orginal post for this vid, pls look at the previous post.. i too lazy to copy n paste again with my laggy com.. ty..

kiss- because (i'm) a girl

2007-09-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

mine fav mv.. it's a sad love mv but it's is the best mv i had seen..
this is for those who is slow enough nt to noe wat's happening in e mv:
The story begins with the scene of a photographer who was taking a picture for an automobile magazine.
He accidentaly took a picture of a girl who was walking across right in front of his camera. She excused politely and went away.
One day, the photographer went to a salon which by accident was the the place where the girl worked at.
He left his cap in the salon by accident, leaving the girl a chance to come by his workplace to return it.
So she came to his studio and returned his cap.But before she left, he made her pose as a model. They found out that they shared a same passion. He was a professional photographer and she was a girl who dreamed to be a model.
They became close and spent a lot of time together. He took a lot of pictures of her and published them.
One day, an accident happened while she was trying to get something from a high rack in his studio. An unclose bottle of photographic product fell and spilled on her. She was immediately taken to a hospital.
The chemical of the photographic product was so toxic, it damaged her eyes so bad that she was about to never be able to see again.He blamed himself 4 wat had happen and became beri remorsefulA miracle happened, after a while being taken care in the hospital, the doctors took off the bandages on her eyes.
She opened her eyes and saw the photographer's co-worker holding a celebration cake with a candle on it. The co-worker took her to his studio, but he was not there to be found. She was so sad because she loved him so much, she thought that the photographer left her.One day when she was working, the co-worker came over and showed her the magazine he published with her as the model.
She remembered about the racing place where they went together before. She found him there sitting on a bench with a dog next to him and noticed that he was blind.She stand there and suddenly cried realizing that he loved her so much that he let go the most important part of his life as a photographer and a biker for her, his eyes. She was so touched knowing that he actually gave her his eyes just to let again...
n the photograher's co-worker also liked tat girl if u didn't notice it in the mv...

wow..

2007-08-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

wahahaha!!! friday e photograhy club had a outing so me, elaine n ray gather up first at AMK s11.. wahh.. somebody damn big shot sia.. she came late so we three had to have sushi for dinner.. growl.. some more scold us when we r so nice enough to wait for her before eating..

after meet wei zhi n zhong yao ( should have some spelling errors.. sorry) at e mrt.. victor was late as usual.. thn go together toward city hall.. wah.. damn crowed lah.. sianz... we walked our way toward guardian to wait for wei xiang n yan yan before going to e HMV to wait for e seniors n other members..

finally at 8 plus we reach a place suitable for setting up our camera.. then 8 plus e firework started.. wah.. e cam damn slow man..

got this stupid balloon keep blocking me but in e end have quite a bit of nice pics..

after e firework we went to Dhoby Ghuat for supper.. had chicken rice because somebody muz have her beancurt.. zzz.. on e way saw one of e singapore soccer team player.. dun remember his name but he is one of e imported goods n a spoiled one at tat.. reached home at around 12.. damn sian...

today.. being e no life tat i am.. me n ray went to e fireworks again to shoot photo again.. due to fact tat raymond holds on to e two cam.. i currently have no pics to preview.. sorry.. we meet at amk hub for a quick bite before going to city hall again.. we reached at around 6.. two hours earlier than yesterday but damn it.. place is already packed with people waiting.. but we was still able to find a good spot for photo shooting of e fireworks.. wah.. waited for 3 hours before it started n man.. was we disappointed.. e firework today frm china were those type tat shoots up quickly n disappear almost after it hit e sky.. it's totally e wrong type of firework to be tried to be captured on e slow cam tat mr.sim loaned us.. zzz..

when i reached home.. i went to see e three birds tat i'm keeping.. wahh.. damn it sia.. e last bird tat i brought died after ben toutured by a fellow female bird in e same cage.. can see so as it's neck was broken.. man.. tat's e second male bird tat died after being kept in e same cage as her.. black widow sia.. o well.. e lord given n e lord had taken away.. may tat male bird find a place tat is way better than here..

tat all now.. b

oh n.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOW YAO RONG!!!

2007-08-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

a rather boring day...
started PE at 8+ playing basketball before going up to hall n play abit of badminton which follows by a few sliding tackle two legged style on parkas n wei zhi haha fun sia..
follow on by AE where e most exciting thing there is victor having a nice time alone with four girls WOW!!! for a guy tat have zero gals on his msn till recently it's a great improvement.. hehe.. also saw mr.sim lock out wei zhi n hong bin.. wei zhi says tat he innocent.. but hong bin??
had a new member on e EE0701A's emo loner club!!! n his name is RAYMOND!!! WAHAHA.. acted like me throughout e whole day... zzz.. go find yr own style lah.. plus being emo isn't nice at all..
playing Makai Kingdom e ps2 game recently.. damn fun.... it's kinda like tactics game juz wat i like hehe.. n here's a last part to one of my best friend: A EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U!!!! i might nt be able to blog or even free enough to call n wish u a happy birthday on tat exact date so here's a early one to u!!! be more confidence in yrself n juz to say tat i'm truely happy as a friend to hear tat yr mum has acknowledge u.. juz keep on doing wat u think is correct n i'm sure tat one day.. yr brother will too.. so have a happy birthday n forget any thing tat worry u cause u will always have friends around tat support u when e going goes bad..
tat's all today.. bb

changes

2007-08-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

wahaha!!! my blog changed slightly after a nice guy helped me hehe.. thxs.. but it was clouded by two facts..
1st: Elaine send me a virus which cause me to be bz for next 30 mins explaining to everyone nt to open e file
2nd: some bastard hacked my msn acc.. to tat bastard: once i found yr Internet address.. rest assured.. u will at least have two major virus inside yr com u mother fucker... n juz for wat u send to my friend in msn, if i noe u in real life.. i will personally make sure tat nt only will u have a bloody nose after we meet, i will make sure u regret wat u done for e rest of yr bloody fucked up retarded life!!!

2007-08-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

wake up only to find tat it's really painful to open my eye then go ps for lunch..
FINALLY BROUGHT MY NEW HANDPHONE STRIP!!! WAHAHA...
Mr.Sim wasn't here today so we had two empty lesson where we learn nth n tat bastard finally reappear after going hiding for one week...
ate two packet of potato chip only to find one of those hp thingy is a double while one packet have nth in it at all.. cheap Malaysia packing.. hate them..
finally packed my comics n found two of those "missing" book
watched juz follow law again in crunchyroll
kinda meaningless day, gotta find maning full things to do man..
I'm LEFT WITH $0.10 TO SPEND FOR E NEXT TWO DAYS>.<...
oh well.. gotta go.. b

trying new style of writing..

2007-08-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

today...
got late for school by nearly one hour thxs to Raymond's "smart" move of calling me e nite before asking me if there's school then telling me to ask e teacher.. only for him to realised tat there's school n nt calling back to tell me there is..
made a fish market out of e second class
skipped archery
teacher gt sick so no need to go photography
recorded 12 handphone strip thingy with 6 packs unopened
fixed tat wrong entry in e comic shop's booking book
gt scold by e young lady there for joking tat i will burn some offering for her nite before ( we r always joking around)
watched rush hour 3 with Wei zhi, Raymond, Yan yan, victor n one other person.. forgot who le.. STM..
found out tat my cardboard only have enough space for another 8 books ( nt counting e other 5 books my cousin have with her)
start to play my ps2 again
watched e national day parade tat was flimed by my friend there for e whole show
listening to him complain abt how bad it was n how he feeled like dieing throughout e whole thing ( he gets one free ticket every year thxs to his auntie)
start to complain abt tat NDP after watching it for ten mins
tat's all.. bb..

messed up wekend

2007-08-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

gone through e tough moment in tat QB house in amk hub during Friday i gone home to start missing e time where i would be able to feel my hair running past my hand for around 1m before it end.. my hair now is so short i thought i'm back to primary school!!! ah!!!

played games till 3 in e morning of sat only to remember tat i had a promise with my friend to play soccer at around 7 in e morning as well.. had a quick 3 hour sleep then rush to play soccer.. dun noe is it too long nv play but when i save some of e shots my hand turn totally numb after ball hit my hand.. total times hand turned numb: 10+.. gone home at around 12 n start sleeping at around 12.30 in e afternoon, woke up at 9 at nite play game till 3 in e morning again only to remember another promise to practice archery with my friend at 7 in Sunday morning..

sleep for 3 hours again before rushing out of e house to find 90% of e people tat i passed by to be staring at my arrows.. sat at e same train with some of e "dangerous" people tat me n raymond must dodge with all our life, met with e three "wei s" of e archery club to find e largest n oldest wei of them all, wei liang, to be wearing a really "sexy" outfit.. (try thinking of a weightlifter only tat he only have one really big pack in e centre.. ) shooted at a target paper tat is 30cm (average for me is 80cm) for 18m.. drowned by e numbers of Ms me n wei jian got..

reach home at around 2, gone to bed woke up at 10 at nite.. still gt to go sch tommorow.. still thinking of my hair (i'm crying over cutted hair) zzz.. feel like my left tight hamstring got a tear .. still staring at e walls for entertaniment ( i found out tat my wall have a few of those weird red dots juz beside my bed.. ) , still drinking pokari sweat while thinking of y muz there be death through sickness n torture ( SARS, degue n cancer) even though they say tat god "care" so much for his children.. well.. gtg.. b

2007-07-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

nearly blew my top... first time since sec 1... thxs to a person who should be in a rehab but due to a certain person kindness he still comes to sch... god damn it....my limit nw left 10% or so( for tat certain bastard)

friday.. rest or boredom

2007-07-27T05:59:00.000-07:00

Friday!!! this i a sign of things to come.. things like: more time spend staring into nth for hours n hours ( 4x more than weekdays), walk around anywhere with no clue of wat's going to happen n have a million n one ideas of wat's going to happen to me ( like a bomb dropping on my head or kanna crush into mushed josh by a car accident.. let my thoughts run wild again which will cause a addition into e "thoughts" postes ( currently 2).. if u ask y don't i play games or ps2... well.. tat because it all seems to be work ( u moving yr finger around getting all angry for missing tat target juz seems to be joyless).. i'm hopelessly lacking motivation in wat so ever things i'm doing nw..

some thoughts.. kinda insulting to some people..

2007-07-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

i being thinking this.. other than tat pyramid scam.. is there any mother tat had truly nv cared for their child? i mean i wouldn't write father since all they give when u was being created was around 3 teaspoonfuls of sperms in return for god noes how much moments of happiness they get while at it.. kinda of gd deals for guys isn't it?? while after u gt born, for those really 'dun care' types of fathers, all they had to do is supply money in a long term deal for like lets say around 25 years? they will then get their investments back when u start working n give them monthly allowances.. for those with e caring fathers.. well.. gd for u... i'm jealous.. so tat's y no father in tat sentence..
but mothers.. they suffer eight/nine months of morning sickness n all sort of problems with tat big stomach in e way for almost everything she does.. finally u pop out after god noes how long in tat hospital room.. coming to this point everyone should noe tat e term "flash n blood" should really belong to e mothers only.. for tat trouble only so tat she can dump u one side n let u rough it out for e next 70+ years (i put this age since it's around this age Singaporeans dies e most)??
some of e true life experience of friends tells me yes.. n in some real bad cases e son is really damaged badly mentally.. e worse case is one of my gd friend, whose mother ( no insult offered.. juz saying wat i'm thinking) seems like Satan best friend or maybe she's even more evil then Satan.. while i'm with this friend n a few others doing a long-term project of ours, she protested n even threaten to call our parents saying tat we r causing harm to her child.. frm my friend words, his mother nv truly cared abt him n only cared abt her faces, she is always listening to other first n chooses to belive anyone but her son.. also heard was tat she was very bias n favours e elder much much more.. so y she protested? because she wan my friend to do watever she says.. like a robot.. so in turn we tried to tell her tat it was harmless n even revealed to her wat we r doing.. only thing is tat her son isn't around to hear it ( most likely due to fear of his mother.. ). his mother, after hearing wat's our plan was nt angry.. however was smiling.. she didn't say she approve of it but she did say tat she wans my friend to personally tell her n earn her trust..
my friend.. he is a very shy person.. a coward sometimes n well.. a easy bullying target... but when i heard e mother say tat she wans to hear her son tell her.. i was surprised.. this slightly shows tat she is willing to release him after seventeen years.. her asking her son to tell her personally for wat i think is so tat he can gain some self confidence.. her nt letting her son off her sight also have to do with him being a easy bully target... althought it's so tight tat her son can hardly breath but she was too careful with him.. knowing tat him having so many sickness could be in danger anytime.. but tat is care too.. there r lots of other flaws his mother has but mothers r humans who does wrong things, short or long term (long term means 2-6 years if she being a devil since u r born then yr mother really have no soul) although i now have a better image of his mother.. i still think his brother is a arrgant loser who should be stuffed in a iron maiden for at least 24 hours.. then be let out to recover for two days then stuffed in again.. ps: my friend, if u happens to read this n wishes for this post to be delete pls massage me then i will delete it..

2007-07-25T02:18:00.000-07:00

around one week after e last post, i'm feeling worse compared to tat week.. drinking Pocari sweat everyday, spending time in a place i dun really wanna be in.. ever heard of something called a Ponzi scam? somehow i'm spending a large amount of time looking into it's sister scam which is e pyramid scam... suddenly stopped playing games juz to pass time but started to stare at nth juz for time to pass.. more n more of uncontrolled emotions starts to flow out of me n stuff like tat.. i'm acting weirder n weirder as days goes by, which well, is bad for my friends as i'm already weird enough as e old me ha.. lots of things flow into my mind n even through most of them are large pieces of information i thought some people ought to hear it i can't reveal it thxs to either i dun wish to create a sense of war between me n friends, it really un-revealable cause if reveal something bad will happen... n some is due to e fact tat even if i reveal nobody could help... n for those douches who thought tat i'm thinking of moving into e scheming business, no i'm not although it's true tat i'm nt looking into it for nth..

weird

2007-07-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

have u guys ever have this feeling?? a feeling where u feel tat whatever things u do r a illusion?? a feeling where u r pushed down, stomp, crushed and teared apart?? for nth i had been going through tat.. there is no stress in anything i do, i'm more of a happy go lucky guy than a hardworking one yet this is happening.. walking on e street halfway n i would get a headache, at nite for no reason i would get a nose bleed, feeling giddy while i'm standing still or sitting still... have this feeling of someone watching or speaking to me even through there no one close by.. unable to go through a nite without having a dream tat will wake me up n yet can't remember it when i woke up.. i wonder wat i'm doing half e time, unable to continue my concentration for more than 3 mins before i starts feeling weird all over... i gt this crazy feeling which, well, i'm quite sure of it, n tat is tat i will gt a nervous breakdown soon.. i don't noe wat is causing it but some of my friends had say i could be for my hate towards my father.. i had seems to have lost all motivation to do things, all feelings tat controlled me before seems to have gone, there seems to have nth tat interests me at all... i'm sporting a emo hairstyle but i truly dun wish to become one of them.. i dun noe wat will happen to me nor will i noe wat i will become.. all i noe is tat i'm juz living life now like it's a rule of a game, passing birthday juz so note to myself tat it's one step closer towards death, doing things juz so tat my time remaining is passing faster....

"nice" day

2007-07-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

wat a "nice" day... wake up at 8, spent one hour on traveling to school, one hour doing proper class work, next hour listening to mp3 n reading newspaper, gone home (yes.. tat means tat my class spent only two hours in sch..) play a hour of game, a hour of song, a hour of sleep, a hour of ps2 games... onlt to come to now tat i have nth i wan or think of doing.. zzz... can't slp, nth to play, no new song... hiax... zzz... well... going to go back to a hour of senseless thinking... bb

a kind massge to Y R.. pls try nt to read e pri 1 part.. it will hurt u...

2007-07-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

i was riding a train when i saw this married couple walked in with a four year old kid holding e father's hand n a less than one year old baby sleeping in e pram tat was being push by the mother... this is e sort of picture tat warms one heart but only to let a "few" things conquered my mind on this short yet long train ride. theses things tat came onto my mind are kinda wat some or i should say large amount of people should had faced...
when u are a new born, new to this world, n if u r lucky, u r seeing yr father's face who decided to stay while yr mother's giving birth to u, n nt e doctor who with his/her face mask on looks like a terrorist... n most likely u will be adored by e family(father, mother n watever siblings tat was born before u) when they see tat cute little face tat is no more bigger than yr father's fist, n if u r lucky, they will pickup a "pls watch only" warning. if u r unlucky... well... pinches for u on both yr cheeks form yr loving family... pls note tat these current new born parts happens to those whose 1. family is nt quarrelling over yr recent dead grandfather's assets n u happen to have a part of it 2. yr mother is nt a young teen who was cheated n then have u because a) she wan u b)it's too late to remove u... 3. same as second but only this time yr father decided to take responsibility 4. yr family is poor enough as it is n already have a few mouths to feed only for u to pop over n say feed me for e next 2o years or so pls..

i then continued to think abt 4 years old to 7 years old... ah!!! juz right at e part where e child goes to kindergarten. this will be e average storyline: u get into a neighbourhood kindergarten where u make a handful of friends tat r as clueless as u, give e teacher a real bad day when u start crying as u see yr parents or whoever bring u to there walks away n starts to cry even louder when a unknown teacher comes towards u to hush u down... those who remember they didn't cry? GD FOR U!!! u r either a) e next cool guy/gal which will have e whole opposite sex fall in love with u or b) u r a emotionless freak who have a great deal of chance to becoming e nxt Saddam!!! there is always c).. which is kinda bad for me to put down but wat e hack!! so here's c)u r juz a clueless retard tat didn't remember yr parents face n thought tat everyone is yr parent... tat all will be followed by home time!! where most child will be send to his grand parents place or if u r lucky, yr own place ( because yr mother/father nt working).. made to sleep though a whole part of e afternoon, wake up with nth to do but to watch a 10x rerun of e "newest" sponge bob square pants, get scolding for nt willing to eat yr dinner.. repeat e previous steps to think of e majority of e next 2 years... sometime when u r lucky, u will get to visit others houses like yr aunts' or go to shopping mall thxs to yr aunt again or yr cousin who wanted to go out with his gf n was forced to bring u along. these will most likely happen only if u 1) did nt become e nxt of tat Malaysia 4 year old kid 2)u r a orphan (happens to e first born part as well) 3) did nt have a sickly body so sick tat u have to stay in e hospital/ yr bed forever in which if u step one tiny step out u will die of heart attack 4)u r a home school kid who have a first rate tutor tat teach u things tat primary kid will have problems with 5)(for e after school part) u r a genius tat have created yr own psp with hundreds of games by taking down those spoiled electrical stuff tat yr grandparent deem too gd to throw...
primary 1.. which is 7 years old.. e year of judgement on who is better (if u have siblings again), who is to be loved most, how u will be treated.. i will skip on e intro to primary one since it's mostly repeat of e kindergarten part only this time u r either 1) e bully 2) e nerd or weak kid who is bullied 3) e (i don't noe anything!!!) kid... the 7th year of yr live is also e part where yr face is starting to form wat will be of yr future face so also e part where u would be decided on if u r ugly of handsome... ugly then pray tat yr parents will love u for e inside.. handsome.. gd for u lor.. yr end of e year marks will decide who will most likely be favoured most.. no need for me to comment on this.. treated? will... if both happens to be bad.. then gd luck my friend... most likely u will be in for a bad ride all e way...
once i think to this part i reached my stop... but i didn't stop think abt it though.. well.. continue next time.. gonna sleep.. b

second sleepy school day...

2007-07-10T02:19:00.000-07:00

started e day late for class... only or e teacher to b later than us... e first lesson is on technical maths, with Mr.Mustafa .. who started his first lesson with us "nicely".. first he told us how he's like n how he don't care abt people who dun like his lesson, then continue by saying his gd old days... in which he also included how ite student was able to get a bus pass in e first place (he claimed tat he it marched for it n he was also included..) followed by how parents are juz too nice to their child these days n make a example of me when i said tat my father is dead n i'm over e moon abt it... zzzz... there was no revision of maths or anything to do with maths at all in today class, there was only teaching by him on "how to bond with yr family" n a nice lesson on "how to teach yr child to respect teacher" e last topic included him saying.. if my child comes by to me complaining he had been scolded by his teacher in class toay, i will bring him back to school n ask e teacher to scold him again... zzz... i wonder if tat is true.. realese for lunch one hour earlier by him, brought a comic (magician negi magi #18), gone through another lesson of CAD by Mr.Sim, gone home to grow more mushroom... haha... zzz... tommorow it's a nice 9 to 12 lesson!!! only 3 hour n i'm going home!!! although nth to do but still seems fun.. hehe ;) oh well gonna go slp... bb

$150 flying around...zzz

2007-07-05T06:05:00.000-07:00

after two weeks of hard work (hard work?? nah.. mostly juz pure slacking around.) in tat stupid Motorolas' packing company where me n vic have to deal with e most dangerous weapon known to all packers.. yap u got it... tat weapon is cardboard... laugh all u can but all packers ask for gloves when assigned to fix e cardboard.. while some others juz run or find other things... coming back home daily with bruised hands n tired feet ( we muz stand 12 hours..) to bring back a mere less than $500 paycheck home....

kinda of nice pay after thinking tat we worked less than two weeks n even nicer when $150 was spent on a dozen of arrows which when it comes i will have to fix all it's other parts in.. which comes Tuesday.. where my arrows came... i n Wei jie were fixing tat damn arrow till today which comes out to this calculation.. Out of 12 arrows, only one arrow's bullet point was able to be fixed in without having to oven, cook or barbecue e arrows... damn, Damn, DAMN!!!! redoing e arrows today which comes up with a new calculation.. 4 out of 12 were correct while e others will b ovan, cooked or barbecued in this week or next... oh well... really gratefull to Wei Jie who has to do tat for me... lol... zzz...
o well... gonna go back to my game to kill some damn fools... b

scions of fate

2007-07-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

tat's e name of e game tat i'm currently playing.. it's graphic is at least two times better than maple (it's 3-D)... while e game play isn't boring me out yet... it's more of doing quest type of game with 5 different character to choose frm.. swordsman, spear man, blades man, archer and healer... rather easy to lvl up compared to other games... but while most games have different culture, this game is set to a ancient china mood. in two days time i'm already lvl 20... while my other friend who dun play tat much is at 17 n 15... currently addicted to this game so pls dun come n brother me too often this week.. hehe ... well... gonna go back n play... b

nightmare before christmas...

2007-07-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

ahhh!!! after around 25 days of searching, my search finally ends.. e movie i long to see is finally downloaded, ready to be watch. Tim Burton's The nightmare before christmas. A movie which was played in e cinema ages ago when i'm juz 3 years old but was so popular to a point tat it was made into 3D in 2006. for those who had played playstation version of kindom hearts, they should have a clear image of this movie through halloween town, while those who dun shold remember the lead, Jack, as a handsome undead completed with two empty eyes socket, two hole through the skull for a nose completed with no ears. while watching this genius production of Tim Burtons', i was remind of my friend victor who was as or even more skinny then Jack... lol... oh well... gonna run.. b

hopes dashed??

2007-06-29T05:05:00.000-07:00

i was in school for archery when my form teacher came... n e first thing he say is tat 3.5 nt enough to get to poly... AHHH!!! damn... my life could be ruin thxs to my decision.... yet i dun feel any regret on my decision... higher nitec after nitc?? quit now n get into private o?? study another part time course to back me up?? nite time private o study?? my head is all messed up!!! Ahhh!!!! all i noe is tat i will nt regret this decision i made six months ago... nt now nt ever... i'm god damn stubborn!!! HAHAHA!!! oh well... gotta go back n start throwing throughts arounds... bb

result out le!!!!

2007-06-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

wahhh!!! result came out today which was something i had forgotten while struggling out of this boring holiday, i only realised it was result day when somebody called me to compare marks at 10... juz when i was abt to shoot my final arrow to complete a set.. yao rong then called to complain abt his 2.4++ average grade point(or a c,c,b,s(pass))... so i ask him to help check my point... N I GT A 3.564 (a,a,b,s(pass))!!!!!! tat all came down nicely till wei xiang say he gt 4... a perfect three a n a s... sian... like nobody can win tat guy de... seems like 80% of e ite hate their marks... worse thing is tat baka raymond can actully gt 3.125...zzz e world have no justice... jkjk... gonna slp.. b

internet down...

2007-06-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

my cables tat connect between singtel to my house gt cutted off... causing my house phone to become completly useless... needless to say abt e moderm... think tat singtel will fix it? sure!!.. juz have to wait for one week n pay them e repair fee... which they will calculate after seeing how much damage e cable took... damn.. it them who cut off e line thinking tat it's some idiot's phone line tat owe them money n i have to pay them juz so they can undo their mistake?? wat a bunch of shameless scamer... nw i have to tap into my uncle's wireless connection.. n it's speed is 1.0 Mbps... ahhhhh!!!! it's nt even close to being 1% of my internet speed.. damn it... oh well... too piss off to write abt other thing..so later...

sianz...

2007-06-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

hi.. i created this blog juz because i'm way too bored... while 85% of my friend drag their feet unwillingly back to school... i still have a boring two more weeks to rot away n grow more mushrooms at home... worked for e first week at motorolar together with my baka friend victor.. then he fired himself while i relaxed at the second week in chalet... now e third week juz two days after firing myself ... i'm back to e com... unwilling to play my ps2... n yet nth to check in e internet other then tat 145 n still counting unread massages in my e-mail... haixz...oh well ..looking to finish growing my fifth forest of mushroom in this year...